When is the decision clear?

wwstewart · 2019-08-22T19:02:57+00:00

Then stop talking it over with her.

You don't need her permission.

contemplation-99 · 2019-08-22T16:28:02+00:00

I'm in the same boat. The thing is, we don't want to do it even though we know it's right. It is killing me inside!! It consumed my every moment. I'm literally at work not doing shit but reading divorce blogs and reddit divorce posts over and over.

FML - I'm calling my lawyer ( that I've met with already and still haven't pulled the trigger )

I guess I just don't want to accept it...

ArtisticQuality · 2019-08-22T20:11:45+00:00

I think you give it enough time that the situation has had an opportunity to change for the better if it was going to. Once you both realize it's not getting better, just go ahead and do it while you are still respectful of each other. It will always suck, but it sucks way worse when bitterness sets in or when one person decides to move on emotionally and starts having a relationship outside the home.

Do it now to gain something important: you'll get to have a decent relationship with her afterwards, for yourself and for your kids. The process will be as amicable as possible, it will be cheaper if you can go through mediation, and it will leave fewer scars. Afterwards you'll be free, with less guilt, and will have far fewer lows than the rest of us have to contend with.

ThatSeemsPlausible · 2019-08-22T16:50:41+00:00

Why not put in some effort to make something happen to make things better? Sure, that will be hard, but consider weighing the difficulties of that compared to the difficulties of going through a divorce.

MNCPA · 2019-08-22T17:06:49+00:00

Is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?

Mymindisgone217 · 2019-08-22T18:19:56+00:00

Unless someone is cheating, or being abusive in any way, having a clear decision that divorce is really the right thing is hard to come by.

Staying together for the kids isn't going to do them any good. Yes, they may still have mom and dad still living in the same home, but that's the only benefit and honesty that benefit comes as the cost of having happy parents.

Yes, your divorce will be hard on them, but in the long run, it will be a lot easier on them than sitting there watching both of you to be unhappy in that situation. If you and your wife can work together to communicate to your children that you staying together any longer is truely costing happiness all around and that you believe that everyone will be happier with you splitting. No, that happiness won't be there right away. It will take time to deal with that pain, but putting it off for later and later, will only make that pain worse for all. Not because you are just now losing your wife, but because you just spent the last 10 years in a loveless marriage with her for the sake of the kids who most likely see that the marriage is loveless. Them growing up with this will make them feel that's what marriage is.

Title	When is the decision clear?
Author	Rycoon415
Upvotes	1
Comments	8
Date	August 22, 2019 4:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ctzje3/when_is_the_decision_clear/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-is-the-decision-clear.819285 https://theredarchive.com/post/819285

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