Hi all, I'm trying to weigh my options here.

My wife and I know that we're incompatible. It's an everyday struggle for us to be happy. She just went through a bad bout of depression and was what I would describe as emotionally violent towards me. It was painful. I literally fear(ed) her. She fought taking her medication again, but is finally back on and the difference is night and day.

We disagree fundamentally on how to live our lives, from money, sex, work ethic, etc. We were young...I know the right thing is to divorce and move on, but we don't hate each other, we're amicable. We've discussed parenting marriage, open marriage, separation...

I make 4 times as much as she, because she has always wanted a low stress job. I was okay with this at first, but I'm not anymore.

Ideally, we would stay married, have an open marriage and raise the children. That is all doable under North Carolina law.

The problem with that is it significantly exposes me to long-term alimony should things go sideways. We've been married for almost 8 years. I've spoken with a lawyer, and he advised if we separate now, we could limit alimony to no more than half the length of the marriage. I wish I could do this but stay together.

Here are some things I've considered. I'm going to meet with my lawyer again this week and pose the same questions, but wanted to get some advice for free if I could as well. This will prepare me to maximize my time in my consultation with my lawyer.

1) Stay married, super risky 2) Get divorced with joint custody and fully move on 3) Separate for the year, get divorced, move back in together 4) Move to a state that allows some variation of what we want 5) Say we're separated, but stay together and lie to the court to get the divorce (what are the implications here) 6) Establish residency in another state to get the divorce proceedings done favorably (implications?)

I'm just trying to understand all of the options and weigh the risks of each. This is a supremely pivotal moment in life, and I'm terrified - seeking as much advice as possible.