I got served at work

AspirinTheory · 2019-02-27T15:07:26+00:00

Get a new attorney. Nothing is in stone yet and you're early enough in your case that the right attorney can help you get a good outcome for you. This may require a new(?) retainer to be paid, and that will hurt. Ask for a payment plan that gets the lawyer's retainer paid in full before you're due in court.
Your current lawyer's 180 degree turn around is maddening and annoying as hell and so very common. Lawyers will give you the best outcome possibility to sign you as a client and then when SHTF they reverse course and give you the worst case. That's not the attorney you want -- you want someone experienced enough to look at the situation and give you the 'reality' version of what is most likely. The fact that your incomes are roughly equal and your daughter is expressing preferences on living with you means your STBX is playing super hardball. She is hurting and wants you to hurt, too. Let that flow over you and breathe. She feels scorned and wants you to hurt. Why is the question for you to ponder. And recognize that if someone really loved you, they wouldn't be out to hurt you, even if a marriage ends.

You don't mention the state you're in, which matters. If your incomes are about the same and you're not seeking more than half of the marital assets, you should be fine on the alimony issue. If you're both getting 50/50 split custody time-wise, then you should work out even-even on child support, minus add-ons of your daughter's costs, which will be split based on the % of income you both have. If you make 2% more, you'll shoulder 2% more of the costs. That's fair, and that % is subject to modification until your kid is 18.
Make sure you fully accepted service and get copies of all papers you signed. Courts really frown on people getting served at work, does she not have an address for you? There's little you can do now except realize she's playing hardball tactics and you need to lawyer TF up. Make sure you give *everything* to your new lawyer and keep a copy of everything for yourself. Also have a Native of Substitution filed with the Court so that any future service goes to your attorney, and not to you at work. That will shut down her ability to embarrass you in the future. Also -- be aware that your coworkers likely do care about you, including the security guards, and everyone knows that divorce sucks.
I know so well it feels totally like she got the jump on you. Relax. You will get your version of the story heard in Court, you'll just have to be patient and wait and file complete, detailed truth of the finances and household situation. The fact she filed first and now seeks counsel fees is at odds with each other. In some states, when there's economic disparity between the parties, the party with more money will be Ordered to pay fees until the case ends and then the court will balance things out. Since the two of you are roughly equal in earnings, you need to tell the judge this in your reply filing, and ask that for now - parties should pay their own respective attorneys fees.

I know it hurts and it sucks. You did the very right thing by getting a counselor. Hang in there. Truth will always win in the Court, but it will take time, money, and heartache to get there. Be strong and focus on being the best Dad for your daughter that you can.

stent00 · 2019-02-27T15:48:06+00:00

fire your lawyer and get a new one. insist on your position. ANd no she can;t make you pay for her legal fees... Thats a fact

Trytosurvive · 2019-02-27T10:13:26+00:00

I am so sorry mate- I hope you will be ok - I don’t know what country you Live in but in mine spouse support is only if one side isn’t working or if huge difference in wages - child support on if she is main parent - if your 50/50 custody you should not be paying or just a little - you only pay for the lawyer if one side doesn’t work - ex can make all the demands they want but does not mean they will get it - my ex demanded the same from me but my lawyer laughed and said ex has been watching too much tv as she isn’t entitled to spousal support or more than set calculation of child support that applies to 95% of population as both on average wages- i would look up family law to your area to see if you need to get a new lawyer if they are going along with demands -

scherecwich · 2019-02-27T17:10:28+00:00

Adding a voice to the new lawyer.

With you both working and making equivalent, there is no real reason for you toy pay her lawyer or alimony (maintenance).

I was going to suggest mediation, but when I read abusive alcoholic, it sounds like a full court session will be needed. Gonna get expensive, but she can pay her own half.

redveinlover · 2019-02-27T19:01:37+00:00

I would suggest gathering any and every scrap of evidence of her alcohol abuse. If she drinks at home, record the empty bottles. Anything you can document can only help in court when it comes to custody fights.

Title	I got served at work
Author	card66
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	February 27, 2019 7:52 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/avavpv/i_got_served_at_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-got-served-at-work.819739 https://theredarchive.com/post/819739

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