Romantic relationships and the red pill woman

margerym · 2013-08-02T16:53:43+00:00

1) What is a "high value" man? Is it the same as being "alpha"?

they are similar, "alpha" is usually a generic, one size fits all category for sorting out men by social dominance, attractiveness, charisma, athleticism, success etc, all the things that women generally find attractive. i would say "high value" is a man who is higher value than YOU to YOU as a woman, or a "situational" alpha". women crave a man who is of some kind of higher value than them, they want to respect and look up to a "hero". this doesnt mean the same thing for every woman, for some its looks, high earning potential, physical dominance, intellect, it just has to be a higher value to you. a relationship is happiest when the women feels she is the lower value partner and has to "keep" her man. many good looking women make the mistake of getting a lesser attractive male in the assumption that she'll be happy being the higher value mate, but find themselves annoyed, ungrateful and disgusted by the man she chose after a few short years. youve expressed gratitude for your mate, i think this alone means for whatever reason you hold him in high esteem and he is of higher value TO YOU

2) Does your partner have any "feminine" or "beta" traits? Do these cause friction, or are they non-issues?

this is going to be an idiosyncratic-to-me definition, but i believe that what truly makes a man "beta" isnt displays of tenderness, caring, concern, love, affection etc, but when these traits are displayed from a frame of weakness, submission or subordination to a woman. this is a key distinction. the real reason women hate "beta" males is that they act like a MIRROR to how WOMEN act when in a relationship with a higher value male, submissive, subservient, eager to please, supplicating and frightened. when a woman sees these behaviors in a man she reacts like humans react to whats called the "uncanny valley" in humanoid robots--a visceral disgust for what appears to almost be a parody of female behavior in a male.

a man can exhibit any trait or behavior and still remain attractive as long as it doesnt come from the above described frame. he is tender because HE wants to be, not because hes afraid if he isnt his wife will leave him, he gives her a diamond because HE likes to see his women in diamonds, not because "if i dont give her a diamond she'll make me sleep on the couch!" i hope this explains it a bit.

3) Do you think balance in a relationship between dominance and submission (in an everyday, not BDSM sense) is more important, or do you think adhering to traditional gender roles where man=dom and woman=sub is more important?

one of the most important aspects of the red pill is it attempts to explain what applies to the BULK of males and females and doesnt concern itself with outliers. we consider male dominance/female submission to be hardwired, not cultural or "traditional", always with the recognition that there are exceptions, like genuine female dom/male sub relationships where attraction and happiness are maintained, but since these are so rare they tell us no more about generic male female relationships than the fact that male seahorses carry babies does ( speaking only for myself, i think 99% of "outlier" women are simple liars, since i believe women live in whole webs of lies from day to day for a number of reasons i wont get into here, but for the sake of argument lets say some of these relationships are genuinely fulfilling)

there is always a continuum of traits. id say that people break down roughly into high, medium and low dominance traits, but that all women seek men that are more dominant on some level than them. trouble happens when high dominance females cant find a male more dominant than them because they are probably all in jail lol ( this in fact has been my issue throughout life)

the traditional roles got that way BECAUSe they reflected human reality, not the other way around. it has only been the bizarre magical memeplex of leftism/feinism that has sought to alter human reality by fiat, by redefining it with words without regard to the nature of the facts on the ground. it has been unsuccessful and led to great unhappiness for all

4) What does the daily breakdown of responsibilities/expectations look like in your relationship?

neither of us work, but he still does the man things like yardwork, repairs, bug killing, putting things together and building things and i do the girly work and packmuling of supplies

5) What little tips or tricks have you found make your man feel appreciated?

1. looking at him with amazed wonder when he says something super smart or funny. 2. thanking him for the things he does. 3. gifts i know HE wants, not things i want him to want. 4. smiles smiles smiles smiles 5. telling him hes handsome and sexy a lot 6. eye contact blowjobs

TempestTcup · 2013-08-02T17:29:30+00:00

1.) A high value man is one with options. He is a guy that all the girls want but he wants you. He doesn't have to especially be good looking, tall, rich or whatever, but he has to have charisma & a stable personality.

2.) Beta traits are important in a LTR; he should have beta traits (protective, loving, etc) coming from an alpha stance.

3.) Traditional gender roles are important to me because I like my man to be a man. I don't want a "yes dear" husband; I want him to take charge & be strong for me.

4.) I work almost full time (we are old & almost retired) & my husband works fixing up the latest old house we have bought. I help him with this. I cook mostly, but he also cooks occasionally. He does all of the grocery shopping because he can do it during the day & because he loves getting a bargain, lol. It is hilarious.

5.) I wait on him hand & foot during the weekend. Getting him coffee, cooking him breakfast, making sure he's comfortable, etc. I listen to him, I smile a lot, I touch him more, I make sure he knows he is respected & loved.

The most important thing that I do for my relationship is I try my hardest to not nag, shit test, or question him. If he makes a decision I will give my opinion, but if he is firm in his decision I let him know that I am fully behind him & I am fully behind him all the way.

margerym · 2013-08-02T18:12:38+00:00

1) What is a "high value" man? Is it the same as being "alpha"?

A high value man is a man that has his stuff together. That's really what it comes down to. He is fit, attractive, makes enough money (or a lot, even better), and doesn't take anyones garbage including your own because he has self-worth. The "alpha" thing is confusing. Not all HV men are Alphas (as most men aren't) but they have strong Alpha traits. My husband is far more Sigma than Alpha.

2) Does your partner have any "feminine" or "beta" traits? Do these cause friction, or are they non-issues?

I wouldn't say feminine and Beta traits are the same but yes my husband has a good amount of Beta traits. They are needed in a relationship. There is a post floating around here about just this. I'll find it later. They don't cause friction or are a non-issue because they are needed.

3) Do you think balance in a relationship between dominance and submission (in an everyday, not BDSM sense) is more important, or do you think adhering to traditional gender roles where man=dom and woman=sub is more important?

I think a multitude of dynamics can work in a relationship. But Red Pill deals with generalizations. Male Dom and female sub is the standard, the norm for humans. Most people are going to naturally want this dynamic and thrive under it. That some don't doesn't change that point. Honestly I don't care if other people don't want it or don't thrive on it. More power to them! What bothers me is being told I shouldn't or that it's not what the human standard is.

4) What does the daily breakdown of responsibilities/expectations look like in your relationship?

He works outside of the home to provide for us, I turn those provisions into the life he wants for us. I cook, clean, and homeschool the kids. He has a say about all of that. We both do just his is greater than mine because in our home all of this is his. He wanted a "traditional" family life but because he works and doesn't have that "touch" he can't make that happen, he needed a wife that could make it happen for him while he fueled it. That's how we work day-to-day.

5) What little tips or tricks have you found make your man feel appreciated?

Feed him what he likes, often times going out of my way to make things just for him (a good steak, Guinness cake, etc).
Show my appreciation all of the time. With "thank yous", of course, but also special things (usually sexual favors) when he really does something awesome. Not to say I don't always do certain sexual things just sometimes I like to put on a real show for him. I also make sure the kids know to thank him for all that they have. We go grocery shopping and they thank him for our food, that sort of thing.
Keep his stuff in order. His home clean, his kids clothed and fed, and his woman put together instead of a fat lazy slob. Show that I really value him through valuing his things.

sugarcrush · 2013-08-02T16:16:36+00:00

I'm still pretty new too! Hopefully you like what you see so far? :) We could use more girls around.

High value man is pretty much what it sounds like, a man who has much to add to your life. So things like attractive, well paying job, strong leadership. They usually go together, but you can find beta guys who get lots of girls because they have a high level job or are good looking.

My husband has beta traits in the way Athol Kay uses them, he provides comfort for me when I'm sad and will help clean... if I ask :P Otherwise he is all male, sometimes to the point where I wished he had a tiny bit more feminine so he would care if his clothes had holes in them or not O.O

I'm not sure how to answer #3 so I'll leave that to someone else. As far as daily life goes, I am currently working full time and he is working part time while looking for his first big boy job. I still take care of pretty much all the cooking, 90% of cleaning, and all the laundry though, mainly because I have higher standards and he can't cook. He does help clean when I ask, he will usually take all the trash out and do the bathroom since I hate hate hate doing it! My hope is one day our finances work out enough so I can stay/work at home, or on a very part time basis.

Tips for appreciation... food, particularly baked goods, and long bjs. Not complicated in that department :) On a less frequent basis (holidays and birthdays), really really pay attention to things he wants, especially if it's not something practical/he would get for himself. His reaction to awesome gifts is worth every penny I didn't get to spend on myself.

FleetingWish · 2013-08-02T18:36:31+00:00

1) What is a "high value" man? Is it the same as being "alpha"?

I would say they are similar. I think some people have different definitions of the word "alpha", but to me I see "alpha" as the conglomeration of all the traits that would make him "high status". In other words "alpha" describes more of a personality, where as "high status" describes "how attractive he is", which is a function of alphaness. The most high status guy describes the most attractive man, who all the girls want, and those who don't want him only seem to shy away from him because she is afraid to have that much competition. Whereas "alpha" would be a list of personality traits, and physical attractiveness (to a lesser extent) that gets him there.

2) Does your partner have any "feminine" or "beta" traits? Do these cause friction, or are they non-issues?

It depends on how you describe alpha. By my definition of alpha, I would say, no, there is no way he's feminine or "beta". I mean he is more than able to show caring and compassion for me, and even sometimes emotional vulnerability. But, I have a hard time seeing those things as being "less" alpha, because he only does it to the extent where he is able to maintain respect for himself, and to the extent that he knows I will maintain respect for him.

3) Do you think balance in a relationship between dominance and submission (in an everyday, not BDSM sense) is more important, or do you think adhering to traditional gender roles where man=dom and woman=sub is more important?

Who is the dom, and who is the sub doesn't really matter. Mostly red pill is the acknowledgement for a relationship to work, someone needs to be "the leader" and someone needs to be the "follower". It is also acknowledgement that the vast, vast, vast majority of men are natural leaders, and similarly the majority of women are natural followers. But if it's vice versa, that could work too.

4) What does the daily breakdown of responsibilities/expectations look like in your relationship?

The best way I can describe it is it's my job to make sure that he understands my emotional state, and it's his job to make the decisions based on that information. If I don't give him the information he needs, he can't make an informed decision, and I'm not holding up my end of the bargin. In addition to that we take care of each other’s needs. I take care of his needs by paying attention to emotional state, and knowing what he needs at any given time. He takes care of my needs by taking my voiced emotional concerns into account, and making sure he leading us in a direction that will inevitably lead to both of us being happy.

5) What little tips or tricks have you found make your man feel appreciated?

Personally, I spend a lot of time thinking about my SO and what would make him happy. I have some things coming up planned for him, but he knows my reddit name, and there's no way I'm going to let him find out what they are that easy! But, anything to let him know I was thinking about him. It could be spontaneously fixing breakfast for him in bed while he's asleep, or it could be sneaking around to do his laundry while he's sleeping, letting him wake up to BJs, making dinner, taking care of him when he's sick, things like that.

hateCaptchas · 2013-08-02T22:21:46+00:00

1) What is a "high value" man? Is it the same as being "alpha"?

I'm not really the one to comment on the Greek letter thing. What makes a high value man to me is his character - honesty, integrity, ambition, honour, courage, self discipline, intelligence, ethics, humor, self confidence, and decision making.

When I think about it, those are qualities I apply to most of the people in my life that I choose (rather than the relatives you're dealt). But, they are essential for me to get along with a person in a life long situation.

2) Does your partner have any "feminine" or "beta" traits? Do these cause friction, or are they non-issues?

Well, he certainly has faults - everyone does. I don't consider him feminine at all. He's definitely a man. Most friction comes from misunderstandings which can be clarified. Both of us are great at knowing when and how to apologize.

3) Do you think balance in a relationship between dominance and submission (in an everyday, not BDSM sense) is more important, or do you think adhering to traditional gender roles where man=dom and woman=sub is more important?

I think balance makes the most sense (for us). I read the domestic discipline post and, while I have to say it's not for me (too much baggage), it has some very good ideas. Where it misses the point, imho, is that it seems to set the bar lower for women than I think it should be set. But, the idea of being accountable (somehow) to yourself and to each other can not be overstated.

The other real gem of that lifestyle comes from putting the relationship and your partner's (and your) life goals at the forefront of decision making. If you do that - whether or not there's a final decider - then, the chances are that you'll both get to be fulfilled in the relationship.

I'm going to do my own version of marriage philosophy (and I won't claim it's all RPW) soon.

4) What does the daily breakdown of responsibilities/expectations look like in your relationship?

We share chores but I do most of it. I hate laundry so he does that. We are childfree so both of us work on and off (otherwise, education). I've supported him - he's supported me. Expectations are polite, pleasant (fun) interactions and problem solving together. We don't have individual relationship issues - we have joint relationship issues. If it's bothering me - it involves him. If it's bothering him - it involves me. We're in this together.

One of the things that continually shocks me is how out right rude people are to their partners. I'm not talking about playful banter - I'm talking about common courtesy. We still say thank you, please, excuse me, and all that stuff you'd do at work.

5) What little tips or tricks have you found make your man feel appreciated?

Remembering things that he's likely to forget like packing his favourite shoes or candles when we're travelling. Remembering things he's mentioned he's looking for and putting them where he can find them or picking them up at the store. Verbal admiration.

Getting off my duff or ceasing what I'm doing to help him find something instead of just saying "I don't know." Cook favourite foods. Running my fingers through his hair - especially when it's just cut.

Most of it just involves noticing what makes him happy and then working to make that happen as often as possible. Oh, and knowing when he'd rather choose something than have me buy it for him - pertains to specialized equipment items.

margerym · 2013-08-02T16:43:09+00:00

The main thing to keep in mind is that you need to truly respect your man and that you won't be attracted for long to a man you don't respect. So don't do things to undermine your respect for him since you are only hurting your relationship. That requires a lot of trust, trust in his abilities to lead and a willingness to follow his lead since if he's not leading you will lose respect. The result should be that you remain attracted to this strongwilled man. If you want to call that dominance/submission, ok, but it doesn't have to mean dominance in a BDSM way. Personally, I think the terms dominance and submission should not be used among the red pill since it immediately invites suspicion that it is somehow connected to S&M.

roe_ · 2013-08-04T00:57:40+00:00

(Married guy here)

I'll answer 2-5, cause I feel like the definition of alpha has been done to death...

2) The main thing, in my experience, has been this - the man cannot display "weak" traits like passive aggressiveness or conflict avoidance. They cause relationship stress and insecurity in the woman. Athol Kay's prescription for this is "be a nice guy with a hard edge" and that's pretty much the best way to describe it. I'm very good about doing relationship-y "comfort"-type stuff but I've also learned to push back when necessary.

3) Adhering to traditional gender roles is, IMO, less important then finding a way to negotiate power that works for both partners. A lot of women seem very secure in a male dominated relationship, but this doesn't describe my wife - she's a very dominant personality, and won't have her preferences over-ridden or relegated a "support" role in the relationship. Resolving disagreements is a matter of - whoever's got the best, most rational argument, wins. At the same time, there's an undercurrent of me being the dominant partner - it's very difficult to articulate how this is, but it's like if you sum all the vectors of how we interact...

4) I work, she's a SAHM, so it mostly breaks down along traditional gender lines, but it's leaky - occasionally I'll do cooking or help with housework, occasionally she does house maintenance stuff.

5) Other then stomach full, balls empty, she's complimentary towards me about my job and my daddy skills, which means a lot to me. We have a way of pushing each other to be our best selves, without ever making each other feel inadequate.

cockmuncheryolo · 2013-08-02T15:39:19+00:00

These questions have been answered alot around here. Read around ;)

Title	Romantic relationships and the red pill woman
Author	LifterofThings
Upvotes	13
Comments	16
Date	August 2, 2013 3:36 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1jkhvz/romantic_relationships_and_the_red_pill_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/romantic-relationships-and-the-red-pill-woman.83925 https://theredarchive.com/post/83925

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