Currently trying to get my wife to swallow TRP. Any advice from RPW who underwent a similar experience?

StingrayVC · 2014-02-21T13:06:06+00:00

She speaks to me like I'm a child and carries a thick attitude when I bring up the control/submission angle. It's most likely a combination of her strong independent woman upbringing and my weaknesses in articulation. I tried to tell her to give me time and that we should read up on some things, but she demanded I elaborate. Demanded.

She's not ready to submit to someone who isn't ready to lead yet. She doesn't trust your leadership because you've never done it. As many have said already, stop talking to her about this and just go do it. What's more, and this might sound strange, don't do it for her. Do it for yourself. Not out of pride or arrogance, but because your a man and this is what men do.

She is likely going to get scared. She is going to test you harder, she might cry and carry on because she will be losing the power you gave her and it's going to rock her boat. Do not lose focus. Do not get angry. Just keep going. When it's appropriate, reassure her that you are not looking for other women (this is going to be your call. If you do this too soon everything will come crashing down. Do not give your power back to her and if you do it too soon, this will happen. Also, this is not to say to act like you ARE going after other women. Don't do that. It will only give her fuel. But when it happens, when other women talk to you, let it happen. Let he see how they react to you).

Through this, she is going to have to find her own feminine power, in her beauty, her grace and in her submission to your new leadership. This is going to be hard for her, because by the sounds of it she has no idea what this is. Just remember, YOU ARE THE ROCK, and if you succeed you will become her rock. Don't ever let her veer you away from this. She will struggle with it, but she will respect you and love you if you can both follow through. Do not try to protect her through all of this. You will be doing her a disservice if you do. She is going to have to learn through all of this just as you are and if you try to protect her from it, she will never learn.

marymaude · 2014-02-20T15:33:43+00:00

Well, I'm am not married, so I am by no means an authority. But I can share a little bit of what I've found valuable, and hopefully it can help.

My SO and I faced a disconnect for a while, where it felt like neither part was communicating well with the other party. Luckily, we both loved each other and wanted to make things work. We read "The Five Love Languages" and it turns out some of our problems were love language related. My SO appreciates words of affirmation and physical touch, whereas I appreciate receiving gifts and acts of service. People tend to communicate love to their partner in the way they receive love, and so we ended up with a lot of mixed signals there for a while.

We both read the book, and took an approach of actively trying to show love to the other person in the manner that would make them feel loved. That was a huge improvement. A lot of other communication problems we had smoothed themselves out immediately, once both parties felt loved and valued by the other.

You say that your wife is resistant to TRP theory. I'm wondering if you might be able to approach things in a different way to see if she is more open.

I came to this way of thinking slowly. I was raised with militant feminist ideas, leaving myself thinking I was better than most men. Over time, I grew disenchanted with the feminist movement, for its lack of inclusion of minority women, and because it didn't seem right to denigrate men. I developed a more humanist and egalitarian viewpoint.

For me, I want to submit to my SO because I respect him. It's a choice for me, out of love and respect, but not from some sort of viewpoint that women are inferior. TRP uses language sometimes which can feel very denigrating, describing women as plates or perpetual teenagers. I understand why this is so, and I feel bad for the men who have experienced such pain in their lives. But that language can be very hard to swallow for a woman in a committed relationship, especially with TRP's focus on casual sex.

What brought me to submission was, in part, a sexual interest in submission. I read books about French women and seduction. For years, I had been reading blogs online, like Mormon mommy blogs and Christian fundamentalist homemakers, at first from a train wreck point of view. But over time, I grew to envy their happiness and see some value in the way their relationships functioned. I read "Fascinating Womanhood," and saw my relationship improve even further as I applied its teachings. I went ahead and read "Created to be his Helpmeet" despite its exegesis, because if I looked past the religious points I disagreed with, there was also a lot of great advice in the relationship.

By no means do I have a perfect relationship with my SO - we are still working on developing a true RP relationship. But I was very much persuaded by these books by women, written for women, that helped bring me to a desire to be submissive in my relationship. Had I been introduced to RP thinking by TRP and its language, I think I would have balked. Perhaps you can introduce your wife to these ideas through books written by women? I know there are counselors out there who also work to help marriages develop these principles (usually Christian), so if you are not opposed to religious counselors, and objective person may be able to help guide you as well.

I think that it is great that you are working on yourself and have made improvements. Perhaps I'm too much of an optimist, but I really believe you and your wife can make it work, because she seems to want it too. You sound like a nice man, and I think it's entirely possible to have a marriage work without making you feel emasculated. Since she's open to making it work, it's possible she's just resistant to RP ideas because it's coming from you or because of how it's expressed. Try having her read books, or consult with a counselor. She might be more open to hearing these things from a third party, especially if that person is a woman.

I wish you the best, and I hope you're able to make things work with her in a better manner.

TempestTcup · 2014-02-20T14:37:57+00:00

You need to go to MMSL 911 Relationship Forum.

NOW!!!

Edited to say that they have helped countless relationships and have all gone through what you are going through. They can help you turn your relationship around if that is what you want.

2014-02-22T00:14:04+00:00

Once you lose your frame it's difficult but not impossible to get it back.

marymaude · 2014-02-23T16:49:36+00:00

Update, 3d later:

I went ahead and followed through with the casual lunch date I had planned for us. I had planned this prior to staring this thread. When setting it up, she made comments like "it better be romantic" and "you better not take me to get pizza". This gave me a chance to start establishing some frame, so I would respond with how she should not expect anything like that and that it would NOT be a romantic. I gave her two options on where we went, so she could still feel some consideration was made for her. We went and followed up with a few games at a pool hall.

Conversation has been difficult. I can see her attempting to be mindful, which is a step in the right direction. We have also reignited out bedroom behavior, going do far as to talk about how a threesome would go down. She's not quite there, but it's a turn-on and a thought.

I've identified some specific examples of how I let myself become manipulated. Today, I had planned for us to go to the gym, bowling, grocery store, and get back to do some house cleaning. She originally refused the idea of me taking my son to the movies, so it wAs already a compromise from me. Bowling was her idea. I find myself thinking, "well I guess i could put up with that". Compromise isn't the issue. The issue is that i went into compromise mode and she didn't think twice about it when given the chance originally. I brought that to light today with her.

Still waiting for the books I ordered.

Aitikulta · 2014-02-20T15:26:11+00:00

I think you need to give her a serious ultimatum and up your dread game. If you haven't read MMSL primer. Let her know what you want and expect out of your marriage.

Let her know she either shapes up or it's done and your fine with that. Maybe she could try reading some books like "The Surrendered Wife" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Also hold frame, your going to have to be incredibly firm with her.

Good luck and get to those forums and TRP fast.

2014-02-20T20:16:40+00:00

I think respect makes an enormous difference, I know that was my problem all along. I didn't respect my husband and I treated him like it. Once I started respecting him all of the red pill stuff made sense to me whereas before I thought it was stupid.

For me all of this change was prompted by me, so I'm not sure how to show her. What helped me was realizing how our relationship was wasn't working so things needed to change, and I started reading askmen and men's rights stuff to understand men better. I have no idea how I would have responded to my husband suggesting all of this.

Good luck!

Title	Currently trying to get my wife to swallow TRP. Any advice from RPW who underwent a similar experience?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	37
Date	February 20, 2014 6:11 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1yf4oc/currently_trying_to_get_my_wife_to_swallow_trp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/currently-trying-to-get-my-wife-to-swallow-trp-any.84277 https://theredarchive.com/post/84277

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