Online Dating

swift-heart · 2014-03-05T01:32:59+00:00

not really sure why answering out of line messages is encouraged?

i can understand giving men a chance even if they send you a cheesy (but harmless) pickup line or start with generic small talk. i can also understand talking to someone that you don't find attractive/someone who 'isn't your type' physically because that may change once you get to know them better. also there is a chance that you might have chemistry with someone irl that you can't feel through online interaction.

just a question from someone who hasn't spent much time on online dating sites. i briefly had an okcupid account when i was single but i abandoned it because it made me too anxious. (i'm very introverted)

Noressa · 2014-03-04T19:18:16+00:00

I'd like to mention my number one is be specific. You aren't looking to date everyone. You are looking for certain things in a relationship and they're important enough to mention. Yes, you'll get fewer replies, but by weeding those out you'll find yourself dating along the lines much closer to what you're after.

[deleted] · 2014-03-04T22:10:01+00:00

I love that you wrote a guide for this. Online dating is so prominent nowadays that it might just become the most popular way to find a partner. That being said, lots of ladies (men as well) don't really know what to put in their profile to really attract the right kind of person for a relationship.

If my girls ever set up profiles, I'd love to direct them to your guide. :)

phasetwenty · 2014-03-05T04:25:19+00:00

I have to comment on your treatment of photos. I spent a lot of time in online dating and came up with a strategy. I can promise to be helpful, but blunt.

My objective when browsing photos are to come up with answers beyond a reasonable doubt to these two prime questions:

How fat is she?
What's her face like?

Once those are answered, I'm free to look deeper and see what I can learn about her from her photos.

The obsession over the prime questions isn't natural, its purely borne out of the nature of online dating. I simply saw a lot of profiles that tried to get clever to obfuscate the answers to the prime questions. I implemented a policy of skipping profiles with reasonable doubts to the prime questions. It'd be a shame for reasonable girls to suffer from the shenanigans of others. Also, how much a given guy cares about the prime questions varies, but he wants an answer beyond a reasonable doubt.

That said, what you do need is very simple. You really only need one photo as long as I can see your full body and face.

More photos will help, especially if they portray you in a fun and flattering light. Any photo not showing your body is not useful. Similarly, including only photos focusing on single attributes (cleavage or eyes are common offenders) are a red flag that you're trying to distract from flaws.

Style of dress yields subtle benefits, i.e., if I can get a sense of your style and I find that style attractive, good (even if I don't like it I'll tend to read on to convince myself I'm interested).

Comments on the points you made:

You should consider getting a few of your photos taken professionally. It’s worth spending a little money to have your face properly lit (overheard bathroom bulbs will often highlight your face in an unflattering way).

Doesn't hurt, but I don't put any more stock in them than amateur photos. If you already have them, great. I can't recommend them as being worth the cost.

If you don’t want to include a body shot of yourself in a bikini (believe me, I understand) then you can post one of you going on a hike with friends, or wearing a fitted dress during a night out with friends. Don’t post any pictures where you’re holding a drink, in a bar, or club. Why? You are trying to find a good man that’s looking for a long-term relationship, and you want to avoid (as much as possible) attracting guys only interested in flings. You also don’t want to come across as the careless party girl.

Hike photo, dress photo: great suggestions. I don't care if you think you look sweaty because it has no bearing on the prime questions.

I don't see the big deal about alcohol photos. There might be some cases when it's bad but I expect bar photos because it's a common occasion to take photos. As long as it helps me answer the prime questions, it's useful.

If you include any group shots with other women, be sure to edit out their faces with a color dot. Why? For one thing, you want to make it easy for anyone looking at your photo to be able to spot you.

True, many times I disqualified girls because I couldn't tell who they are in the photos. But if you think it's patently obvious, it's no problem.

For another thing, you don’t want someone to “pass” on messaging you because they think one of your friends is more attractive.

I'm ashamed to admit you're dead right about this. But only in the cases of massive disparity between attractiveness. The girl is better off hiding her friends.

Don’t include any pictures with ex-boyfriends, it’s just plain tacky.

Any guys in photos is an ex-boyfriend as far as I know, so if you stand by this rule there should be no guys at all. Since we ruled out other girls in photos too, a more useful rule would be to exclude photos with anyone else (barring children and the aged).

I mentioned bathroom selfies earlier, but it’s worth mentioning again. Bathroom (or bedroom) selfies often have bad lighting, but people almost always forget to pay attention with the state of the room they are in.

Bathroom selfies are not as big as you make them out to be, provided they answer the prime questions.

A reader mentioned that I didn’t talk about clothing choices, so I will address that topic now. You want to portray yourself as a responsible, decent, and feminine individual. Your clothes should be fitted, but not trashy. You want to hint at your sexuality without coming off as easy or reckless. If you have any face piercings (eyebrow, nose ring, beauty mark, tongue) take them out. You want people to see your face, not the metal sticking out of it. The outfits you wear in your photo will create a “working base” that every gentleman will build off of moving forward. bra straps should not be visible, your stomach should be covered. It’s better to err on the side of caution in this case. It’s better to look more conservative when it comes to clothing choices. You can consider consulting with a make-up stylist, especially if you decide to get professional photos taken. Explain what you want to portray, and ask for their input. You want to be tasteful, beautiful, feminine with a hint of sex-appeal.

Good advice, although the piercings aren't as clear cut. Just know that opinions on the piercings range from unfavorable (me) to favorable.

Include a subtle body shot (wear a fitted dress, or workout clothes)

I cannot stress enough that a full body shot is mandatory. The two examples given are perfectly reasonable. And don't worry about cliches like swimsuits: they're popular for a reason.

Wear your hair down

Not worth paying attention to.

Avoid photos with your pet(s)

Dead wrong. I love dogs and if I see a girl who owns a dog I'm going to include that as a positive personality trait. As long as the prime questions are answered in a pet photo (or elsewhere), this helps me learn about the girl.

scallopkid · 2014-03-06T07:04:33+00:00

I wouldn't use the phrase laid back. It's as cliche as saying I hate drama, just at the other end of the scale. Plus laid back isn't really always a good thing. It's kind of like mellow, it can be a euphemism for lazy.

dreampizza · 2014-03-06T19:00:13+00:00

I don't have any experience with online dating, but my fear would be that if I explicitly said I'm looking for a "confident" or "masculine" or whatever man, the guy in question might try to fake the presence of those traits when we go out on a date. Like, you know how people are usually on their best behavior during the first few months of dating, trying really hard to minimize any imperfections they have? I just imagine some guy pretending to appear more confident, masculine, etc than he really is just to impress me, which would make it difficult to weed out bad candidates. I mean, I HOPE I wouldn't be that easily fooled by a guy that wasn't being authentic, but it's just a fear I would have if I were meeting guys over the internet and telling them upfront what I was looking for

loan_wolf · 2014-03-11T00:12:53+00:00

A man's perspective - this is an interesting checklist, but the idea of women responding to every message is a total pipe dream.

I have used online dating for many years and have met some great women in the process. I'm not a 10/10 by any means, however, I am decent looking and often receive compliments about my appearance and the things I say (both in real life and online). But more than 95% of the messages I have sent to women on online dating websites have been totally ignored. It can be frustrating, but that's just how it works. Women in our society have been trained convincingly to understand that their most desirable and effective tool of communication with men is silence. That ain't changing.

Pink_acetaminophen · 2014-03-05T01:06:37+00:00

Thanks for this but I believe RPW probably don't require on line dating. :)

Title	Online Dating
Author	PhantomDream09
Upvotes	16
Comments	46
Date	March 4, 2014 6:39 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1zjuef/online_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/online-dating.84303 https://theredarchive.com/post/84303