Nothing anyone does is either masculine or feminine. Take for example anger: obviously both genders get mad, both yell, both might hit someone, both might throw things, and so on. The only thing separating the genders in how they do things.

If a man hits someone he might sock them in the jaw, and a woman might use a classic bitch-slap. At it's base value it is the same, someone was angry and used violence. That is a toxic trait to have in a person, regardless of gender.

And yelling too. An angry husband raising his voice at his wife is definitely seen as bad. Typical misogynist macho man using his size and volume to cow his wife. But a woman who yells and screams is seen as a jerkz but nobody says toxic femininity.

You can take in the fact that men are generally bigger and more intimidating, but the key word is generally. If a very angry female weight lifter got up in your face and yelled at you, most sensible people would be a little nervous.

The point is, traits commonly associated with toxic masculinity usually aren't masculine, they're just toxic. Masculinity and femininity aren't certain things someone does or has or whatever, its more the way people do them. Masculinity and femininity are essentially purely aesthetic. But of course there might be a way of expressing toxicity unique to a gender, but of course the root is gender neutral and there is usually a parallel for the other gender.

Ellie and Joel in the Last Of Us are both badass hardened survivors who do the same things, fight, hunt, survive, but Ellie isn't masculine at all, she's still very much a girl and Joel very much a man.

Of course the argument can be made that toxic masculinity is more toxic ideas of what a man should be and what is masculine, and in a sense that is a valid point. If toxic masculinity was only defined that way I wouldn't have an issue.

Take for example some toxic expectations / ideals /stereotypes of women. They need to always be cooking or cleaning. They aren't tough. They need to be cottled and sheltered. They are vain, jealous, and nosy gossipers. Nobody calls that toxic femininity. So why are ideas like men shouldn't cry, should be burly and tough, and so on called toxic masculinity? They really should be seen as outdated sexist gender roles. Cause that's what they are.

And some people like to say that masculinity itself has some ingrained toxicity that's exclusive to it. But that's not true. Either the same toxic traits with the masculine aesthetics peeled away can be found in men and women alike. Other things like what I mentioned before might be pure misandrist sexism or plain ignorance of men and their ways.

Like the idea men don't deal with emotions well if they don't cry and that unless they do they are just sticking to that idea that men shouldn't cry. Of course there is no shame in crying, don't get me wrong, but some men, myself included, naturally don't cry much, but I handle my emotions just fine. Whatever flaws I do have in that area don't come from not crying much.

My dad is the same, I saw him cry 3 times in all my life, when my grandparents died and when the Cubs won the world series. I only know for sure of one other time, when my first dog died. Never once did he tell me crying was at all wrong, or give me any other toxic ideal of manhood. The only times he ever said things to me about "being a man" was to motivate me or set an example. Like "don't be afraid, man up, you can do it." Or "you need to shape up and plan ahead for your future, you're a 17 year old boy and almost an 18 year old man."

It's a bad example to set for boys and girls that masculinity and manhood are bad, because they aren't, neither is femininity or womanhood. Both are unique and something to be proud of, but neither are restricting. Bravery isn't male exclusive and grace isn't female exclusive, just like how arrogance isn't inherently a male trait and vanity isn't inherently a female one. Positive and negative traits, like anything else, just appear under a person's masculine or feminine exterior.