Been mulling this over for a while. Clearly the vast majority of relationships have drama. And, from my observations, generally both sides contribute to the drama. Jon and I know a couple who argue all the time and seem to enjoy it, as it de-stresses them. But, for most people, it seems to cause even more stress, so I doubt that's why they do it. I've tried to come up with a reason. Yet, however much I mull it over, I can't get my head around it. Four examples we've recently observed (holidays offer many opportunities to watch other couples' intimate dynamics).

Woman: I want quiet at the moment.

Man: OK. puts on TV a while later

Woman: I said I wanted quiet, you never listen, turn that off.

Cue argument, shouting, bringing up past mistakes, etc. Over one person wanting quiet and another wanting to watch TV.

Man: I'll have to head out for my friend's house right after I'm back from work, please get my bag ready.

Woman: Will do.

She doesn't prepare the bag. He gets home. Cue massive row as he gets the bag ready. Over one partner either forgetting or refusing to pack a bag.

Man has tidied the house and packed the kids' lunches before Woman got home from work.

Woman: You haven't cleaned the fridge.

Man: But I tidied and got the kids lunches ready. Besides, you never asked me to clean the fridge.

Woman: Clean the fridge.

Man: I'll do it tomorrow.

Cue argument and woman angrily cleaning the fridge herself. Over a task that wasn't mentioned and could be done another time.

Partner 1: Have you done X yet?

Partner 2: I'm far too $%£$ing busy to deal with that £$&*% right now, do it yourself.

Partner 1: I was just reminding you.

Cue argument about how P1 was being nice and thinks P2 is being rude, and how P2 is too stressed with other things and thinks P1 is being pushy. Over a remark that could have been excused or defused with "I'm sorry, I'm just stressed and I didn't mean that."

To those who have drama: Does this happen to you? How and why? Do you notice the drama starting when it does, or is it usually in retrospect that you notice it? At that moment, what do you feel you're getting out of it? Afterwards, is there anything you feel has improved for the drama? How does an incident of drama affect future incidents?

Thank you for your responses.