I really thought she was the love of my life, but she ended up being one of the most evil people I've ever met. She's conniving, she cheats, she backstabs, she's fake, she's incredibly vain and histrionic, manipulative, mean, selfish, materialistic; she's all in all a cluster b maniac who gaslit me for two years and managed to convince some people people that I was the abuser because I was "obsessive" and "vulgar" when she was trying to convince me that I'm crazy for calling her out on the horrible shit she did

It's been really hard for me to connect with women ever since her. If I see even the tiniest modicum of those ugly traits, I immediately lose all trust in her. And I already had horrible childhood experiences with women, I was really fat back then and they were incredibly cruel to me, (edit: even though I was really personable and friends with a lot of people in school). I've never been bullied by a man other than my father. My mother was a toxic bully too. How do I trust women again? It's really hard for me to not hate and distrust them. I'm a really sensitive and emotional guy so it really bothers me that I can't stop myself from hating women and people in general

Obviously, not all women. That's an easy and logical thing to understand, but feeling it is a totally different ballpark

Another quick edit: I know that women are more physically abused than men are in general, and as someone who was raped and beat as a kid, I would take that garbage over emotional abuse and manipulation any day of the week. All of the situations are trash, but being emotionally manipulated and abused by someone who I thought I loved is the worst feeling in existence. I'll take any physical pain over that shit, easy. If I could trade, I would