How do I cultivate a more feminine personality and cut down the sarcasm that has characterized my personality for ~15 years?

cats_or_get_out · 2015-11-22T00:52:52+00:00

Congratulations! You have done the biggest step. You will find yourself noticing this appalling behavior everywhere from now on. It'll get on your nerves like crazy for a while!

Just remember that everyone is on her own journey. Try not to get too irritable because of other people's crappy attitudes and behaviors. As time goes on, you'll be less appalled and more empathic; you'll realize that they are a-holes because they don't know any better.

In the meantime, be gracious, courteous, and kind. If you can't think of anything kind to say, then just stay silent. A closed mouth gathers no foot. I keep screwing this part up in my own life. But each time, I reflect on it, and I try to learn from my poor lapses in judgment. I try to be kind to myself and not dwell too much on my failings. :-)

[deleted] · 2015-11-22T13:05:56+00:00

Smile more. It's really what did it for me. I am playfully sarcastic at home with my husband because he's a Boston bred smart ass and loves it, but I live in the South, so I have to temper my sarcasm a lot with strangers and acquaintances.

Smiling will counterbalance your sarcasm, and in my experience, it's hard to say something too snarky if you have a genuine smile on your face.

WitchDoctrix · 2015-11-22T14:13:41+00:00

I had this problem! You're already got a solid idea of what to do, and that's to listen and think before you speak, especially in the situations that trigger you (lots of friends). I also cut down on drinking at parties we threw because I kept thinking mean things were so funny when I was drinking. Also, while you're still working on it, don't be afraid to apologize when you catch yourself in the act.

holyshitbarf · 2015-11-22T10:41:43+00:00

Whenever I meet a mean/sarcastic person I automatically think they're trying to impress me with their quirkiness because they're awkward. Then I remember that that person is me and that the roles have been reversed. That's embarrassing after the fact but you can't escape it, because absolutely everything you say can be interpreted in many different ways.

IMO it's a good way to weed out people you don't want to talk to, and maybe some that you do. It is tempting to be overwhelmingly yourself when you're around strangers, but it's also ok to just be pleasant as well.

I am a very sarcastic person, and I've only recently learned there is an alternative. I've realised that truly being funny is dependent on audience, but if that's your aim, you're going to have to accept that you will make poor judgements sometimes. That comes with being funny, even feeds your funniness when you get a good story out of a terrible situation you put yourself in. Make sure it doesn't affect you negatively and you're fine.

Some people take my sarcasm really well and gravitate towards it, others will be very sarcastic in a mean way or standoffish as a result, and that's what you should expect as a sarcastic person. You're catering to a specific audience, and you're in a public space. You're going to get a range of reactions from awkward to mean.

It is purely a matter of taste but it's risky for friend-making IMO. If you're going to be sarcastic, follow it up with something that the other person was gunning for. Follow it up with an actual answer or interest in what they are saying?

Also, recognise that sarcasm is a strategy. Not everyone can be sarcastic/funny/good-willed all of the time, so giving sarcasm a rest sometimes shows you're chilling out and having an interest in others. It also shows that you can let your guard down.

I like to alternate between chill and sarcastic. It's like you're exciting people, but returning them to a state of calm afterwards so they're not on edge, trying to figure out how to be as funny as you or how to communicate with you and take an interest. When someone says "you're funny", they're usually out of things to say (or you're not funny any more and they're being polite, haaaa), so you should follow up with some kind words and ask about them and how they're doing. Sorry about the novel. Sarcasm is my daily struggle and it's nice to know others feel the same way.

rpvelvetcupcake · 2015-11-22T19:32:49+00:00

I used to use sarcasm a lot back in high school too as a defense mechanism. I found what really helped to fill gaps in conversation would be to give a genuine compliment to the person you were interacting with. It's nice to make people feel great by saying something positive!

Also, if you still find the need to be funny in social situations try to be more observational of your surroundings and find the fun and irony in that. Avoid being observational about people, you might offend someone that way.

Find the fun in how something had affected your day--turning a negative situation into a funny story is always great, and helps keep you in a positive mindset too! :)

Borsao66 · 2015-11-22T15:05:30+00:00

1570s, sarcasmus, from Late Latin sarcasmus, from late Greek sarkasmos "a sneer, jest, taunt, mockery," from sarkazein "to speak bitterly, sneer," literally "to strip off the flesh," from sarx (genitive sarkos) "flesh," properly "piece of meat," from PIE root *twerk- "to cut" (cognates: Avestan thwares "to cut"). Current form of the English word is from 1610s.

Sarcasm is rarely pretty.

Title	How do I cultivate a more feminine personality and cut down the sarcasm that has characterized my personality for ~15 years?
Author	rpwhelped
Upvotes	24
Comments	12
Date	November 22, 2015 12:12 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3tr764/how_do_i_cultivate_a_more_feminine_personality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-cultivate-a-more-feminine-personality-and.85783 https://theredarchive.com/post/85783

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