I want to visit my SO, but am not allowed.

HULKx · 2016-06-11T16:17:13+00:00

[deleted]

Sakurahana9779 · 2016-06-11T17:10:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Sakurahana9779 · 2016-06-11T21:03:20+00:00

You should listen to your parents until you're prepared to be financially independent.

it's making me unhappy with not being able to do what I want.

A red pill woman is able to listen to what needs to be done instead of being so caught up on what she wants to do and how not doing it makes her unhappy in the short-term. This is a good time to start practicing.

If your boyfriend is encouraging you to disobey your parents in this scenario, then that's a separate issue that needs to be addressed.

valleycupcake · 2016-06-11T19:26:50+00:00

A few years ago, I was living with my parents temporarily after a bad breakup. I was about 27 at the time. I wanted to go on a trip abroad with some friends, and my mom had doubts. I listened to my mom, considered her concerns, and decided to go anyway. Once you have more experience being an adult, that's how it'll work. You still love and respect your parents, and you abide by house rules in their house, but you at no longer obligated to obey them. Right now because you're still 19, you're overthinking it. It will become more natural in time. You will make mistakes along the way and nobody will disown you. It's a normal progression of things for young adults to take a little time differentiating themselves from their parents. Just be calm and respectful in exercising your decision making muscle and everything will be fine.

jeezydasnowman · 2016-06-11T22:11:07+00:00

Why are you in a LDR at 19?

LeftShark86 · 2016-06-14T02:00:31+00:00

You're a 19 year old girl in a LDR? Why? Did all the guys around you die in a freak accident? Why would you willingly start a relationship that is so difficult?

Mentathiel · 2016-06-12T00:38:08+00:00

When you're able to be financially independent, you can do whatever you want. (Note that you don't have to be financially independent, just able to be in a matter of days if things go south. If you're ready to move out, you can test ground with disobedience.) Up until then, it's the most practical to follow their rules. I'd still try to convince your mom, tho. If you don't know why she refuses it, perhaps she feels bad about you spending another family's resources for free, especially if your SO didn't stay at your place when he visited. Or she simply doesn't trust you that you'll follow some rules you normally follow at home without their supervision. Perhaps getting your parents to meet his could create some sorta trust that his parent's will supervise you in a way?

As for managing yourself and your SO emotionally... that's a different issue. First of all, you have to come to terms with the reasoning behind your mothers decision. You've told us nothing about it, but whatever her reasoning is, I hope it's for your good, according to her.

As for your SO, he either has an urge to satisfy you short-term or to satisfy himself short-term, neither of which are a sign of maturity. Both of you are young, tho, so that's somewhat reasonable, but perhaps you could give him a clue that you want him to have a grounding effect on you, instead of pushing you further into unrealistic fantasies that are hurting you emotionally and making you feel responsible for your failure to visit him and perhaps even for the fact that you guys can't see each other (perhaps because he can't spend that much money visiting you all the time, and it'd be easier if the cost was split). I had this in my previous relationship, it wasn't LDR, but we didn't get to see each other as often as we would have liked and constant whining on both sides just kept making me feel guilty about not having time, although I had to seriously devote myself to my education. My SO now just tells me "Come on, we'll see each other on [insert date]. Can't wait to see you too!" or something along the lines, which makes me way more comfortable. Even when he expresses that he misses me, in 99% of cases, when he isn't being vulnerable, he does it in a kind of joking, cutesy manner that doesn't make me feel like I'm hurting him emotionally by not jumping up and coming over that very second. Perhaps it's not just your SO, perhaps you do it to each other. It's definitely something to work on because it's not just about this situation, you need this sort of good communication for much more serious issues in the future.

maya_elena · 2016-06-12T15:10:09+00:00

Eh. I disagree with everyone's "he who pays the piper calls the tune" approach. Letting you stay in your old bedroom, especially if you pay for other expenses yourself, is not typically enough debt to give them legitimate control over where you travel.

But first off, I bet they'll take it perfectly calmly if you jsut as calmly, without emotions or tantrums, tell them you got tickets and are going next weekend, giving them some alone time (wink wink). They might disapprove, but any reasonable parent won't kick yoy out. If they do, you have much bigger problems than this post.

However, if you feel this is a legitimate issue, why not ist then down and lay down what they feel yoy owe them for their support, and decide whether that is acceptable to you? And if not, look for roommates!

HULKx · 2016-06-11T16:37:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I want to visit my SO, but am not allowed.
Author	Sakurahana9779
Upvotes	2
Comments	26
Date	June 11, 2016 3:43 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4nlvt1/i_want_to_visit_my_so_but_am_not_allowed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-want-to-visit-my-so-but-am-not-allowed.86220 https://theredarchive.com/post/86220

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