I'm very new here, so please bear with me. RPW and eating disorders?

_deciuously · 2016-12-15T00:53:47+00:00

You have to take his word for it. If he's lying, it's his problem. He's got to be honest with you about what he likes or wants and if he can't that's his own weakness. As far as losing weight, it should be you-motivated, not about him. Or it won't stick. Are you healthy should be the real question, not are you too heavy or not. Do you drink water and eat clean? Can you run a mile without wanting to throw up? Do you feel alert throughout the day or do you frequently crash after a sugar binge? Healthiness is about functionality of your fitness. If you feel strong and fit, don't worry so much about the appearance.

starkravingsober · 2016-12-15T01:28:25+00:00

It's not his job to "tell you when you get too fat." If anything, that's your doctor's job. Stop putting this on him. Stop bothering him about it and looking for validation. Continue whatever treatment you're undergoing and take your doctor's word for it, when he tells you what's healthy. Work on yourself. Don't make him work on you.

plein_old · 2016-12-15T01:30:45+00:00

with a beta fiancé

Do you mean he's successful and a good provider and capable of commitment? Or do you mean he's manipulative and weak? I never know for sure what people mean by "beta" unless they spell it out for me.

I am 5'5 and 140 lbs. I have a small frame, and wear my weight reasonably well.

That doesn't sound necessarily overweight to me.

How do I trust him to tell me when I get too fat?

Is he a trustworthy person? Do you see him lying to people every day, or manipulating other people, or telling them what they want to hear? If not, then you're good.

our sex life is wonderful

Great. Just eat good, get a little exercise and you're golden.

my body dysmorphia

Where'd you get that, if I may ask?

edited to fix math error

RedCyren · 2016-12-15T18:56:31+00:00

If you're not lifting weights, you should be. You need to sculpt yourself so that you are lean and have muscle, not fat. Once you get stronger in the gym with deadlifts and squats and presses, you take a lot of pride in staying healthy, lean and strong and you don't engage in eating disorders.

lackadaisicalily · 2016-12-15T02:06:22+00:00

Your about a 23 on the BMI scale, but past 24 is overweight.

I will be honest and say that 140 might not be your best weight to look great. But if your SO likes it, then you're fine.

rainyweathergirl · 2016-12-15T18:01:14+00:00

One day you will probably have kids. Everything will possibly sag and go south, and you will dream of your old body again. I have never particularly had a good figure, I have always been built like a brick and I am square and stocky, but since having my son everything is droopy and I am covered head to toe in stretch marks. I dream of my old body again and I want to slap myself for hating it so much.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2016-12-15T18:27:42+00:00

If he's a chubby chaser as it seems.... he's not going to tell you. He's going to feed you more.

[deleted] · 2016-12-15T04:25:01+00:00

115 is way too thin! I'm 5'5" and my doctor told me 130-135 is healthy for my age and height.

[deleted] · 2016-12-15T15:06:59+00:00

If you are unhappy with your size maybe go half way to like 125. I'm 5'5" and at 125 and it's pretty nice. I know how you feel about feeling fat. (I was just at 140lbs as well).

When you were smaller at 115, it's possible that you didn't look healthy because of your ED. Have you ever tried lifting weights/body building? With this you would have to continue to eat well, you would be heavier, but you wouldn't feel as large as you do now. If that makes sense

SouthernAthena · 2016-12-15T20:29:37+00:00

I'd definitely take this up with you're Dr. Sounds like you're still at a healthy weight, but maybe it's just not the weight you want to be at. I'd proceed with caution since you have a eating disorder. You have a little wiggle room to lose weight, but in my mind it's better to have a slightly higher (but still healthy) BMI than have a relapse.

[deleted] · 2016-12-17T16:22:41+00:00

What really helped me get a good perspective on weight and body image is to focus on health, rather than appearance. Health, at least, is very objective and you can get a doctor's input. Also, your fiancé probably won't become concerned if you are looking out for your health, rather than going after thinness.

I think the "am I too fat?" question is the wrong one to ask. What you should be asking is "do I want to be healthy?" (by American standards, I'm assuming) or "do I want to be athletic?"

Yeah 23 BMI is within the healthy range, but the lower end (19-22) is supposedly the optimal BMI (being the athletic range). That said, weight to height ratio may not be the most accurate measure if you are strength training and packing on lean muscle. A better measure is probably fat percentage which can be taken by a caliper.

Also ask yourself why do you want to change your body. It doesn't seem like it's out of fear of your fiancé leaving you. If it's because you're comparing yourself to other girls, that's one of the worst reason in the world. If you want to feel confident, I can understand that.

loadedgunmakeoutsesh · 2016-12-24T10:03:48+00:00

It's tempting to think that a beta would use submissive tactics to ensure his "value" to a female by stoking her ego despite honestly feeling critical of her flaws.

However, many guys honestly like some cushion for the pushin', and aren't meaningfully influenced by our purely cultural phenomenon of attributing higher levels of sex appeal to certain physical characteristics, when in actuality that cultural value is largely based on transitory influences of food availability/ indicators of health or resources/ shifting styles (just look at the "ideal" body change decade by decade over the last century). After all, even science validates that what is consistently and scientifically more essential to men's perception of a woman's "sexiness" is not skinniness in and of itself, it's hip-to-waist ratio. As a slimmer woman, your hip-to-waist ratio was likely lower, and added plumpness would drive that ratio to far higher, lizard-brain pleasing curviness.

The only reason you feel uncomfortable is because slimness is the normalized shape in culture and media, and maintains the highest "value" in perception of female worth and visibility. As a content and willing beta, your partner is likely less inclined to dedicatedly focus on presenting an appearance of elevated value, or worry about using your culturally attributed value to prop up his own, especially if his sexual tastes are happily satisfied by a "lower-maintenance" woman.

That said, people are going to encourage you to exercise, and that is not in any way a bad thing. Even if you lose little to no fat, tightening up your tummy will create a corseting effect, which is always flattering, and butt-enhancing exercises will give a more "apple" shape to your buns, which is also likely to be extremely appreciated. To say something for your long-term value, keeping in shape will keep you aging well and maintain your desirability/value. Also, small boobs may seem like a curse now, but big breasts sag rapidly in direct relation to their bigness. Small breasts prove their value over time. Don't underestimate the sexiness of more delicately formed breasts, some people prefer those as well. Also, some women's faces look too "drawn" when they are too slim, he may also be taking into consideration how added weight lends a more soft, cute, feminine look to your face in his assessment of pro-fat in regards to you.

Hope this provided some helpful insight for you. <3

Title	I'm very new here, so please bear with me. RPW and eating disorders?
Author	starkravingsober
Upvotes	3
Comments	22
Date	December 15, 2016 12:18 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5ie9sp/im_very_new_here_so_please_bear_with_me_rpw_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-very-new-here-so-please-bear-with-me-rpw-and.86732 https://theredarchive.com/post/86732

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