Hopeful

PantheraTigris95 · 2016-12-24T03:22:43+00:00

Ok, here's my thoughts. Not intentionally rude.

Tinder isn't the place to look for LTRs, sure, there are 'success stories' of people who get married, but it's a hookup site where 100% is based on whether or not someone is photogenic.
Denying sex after giving it initially isn't a very good strategy.
Get better at filtering - once a guy has shown himself to be the type to be spinning plates, leave.

I'd consider taking some time off dating. I'm doing it for the rest of my 18 months at university, just focusing on being the best 'me'.

Don't think of yourself as damaged goods at all - that's the great thing about being someone with a functional brain - you have the capacity to change, grow and learn.

20lb is a great start, so focus on that! Exercise is liberating regardless of how in shape you are.

Gardrothard · 2016-12-23T02:26:18+00:00

Don't be so hard on yourself. Bad habits are hard to break.

Listen, sleeping with men too early is a sign that you have some problems you are suppressing. It's usually a symptom of other things and that's why men call such women damaged goods. You need to fix the illness not just eliminate the symptoms.

I'm not going to give you though love, just love, because you obviously need it. That's why you're jumping into bed too early.

We are all damaged goods, in one way or the other. We get fucked up by our parents, by kids in school, by relatives and so on. Sitting there hating yourself because you made a mistake is just cruel.

You slept with a man too soon and now he ghosted you and you are just adding salt to the wound by thinking of yourself as damaged goods. That's not way to go. What I see from your post isn't some slut, or some stupid girl who fell for some lame story, or some cold hearted bitch. I see that you probably have some insecurities that you didn't deal with properly that are making you unable to fix your behavior. You say you lost 20 pounds with 15 more to go. I'm guessing you've been struggling with self image because of it. You might have known that, or you might have pretended it wasn't a problem, but I doubt that there's not a wound there that needs healing.

Then, what about your relationship with your parents, especially your father? Are you sure there aren't any problems there that you've been suppressing?

You need to sit down with yourself and start examining everything. From your childhood and relationship with your parents to everything you did to this day. But the key is to see it through RP lense, that is, for what it really is. Without the hamster spinning, but without too much self criticism. Inside every girl who's jumping into bed too early, unless she's some cold psychopath, is just a scared little child asking for love and affection in a wrong way. See that little girl and explain to her that that's not the way to get it. Make her understand that. Be kind and understanding, don't judge and criticise more, that's the last thing she needs. She needs love, and if she gets it from you she won't be looking it in wrong places in wrong ways.

Another thing I need to add is that with people, once you set boundaries they can only become less tolerant in time. Once you give someone something for 50 dollars, you can't come next day and charge 100. They'll either resent you and accept, or more likely ditch you. But, it doesn't mean you can't sell it for even 1000 if you have patience and time (just ask the politicians who increase taxes bit by bit). So next time, even if you make the same mistake again (which can happen even if you try hard) remember how politicians do things. Bit by bit, you increase the price as you increase the quality of your product. If you do end up having sex without commitment, it's ok, it doesn't have to be the end of the world if you play it smart and apply the same rule.

I highly recommend to read some books on selling, marketing and politics because relationships don't work much different and you could use that knowledge well.

Tobacco industry is worth so much and it consists of people paying to get cancer. Coca cola is a shitty drink that just makes you fat and look at how much they are selling it. Surely you can "sell yourself". Giving sex without commitment may turn out to be a good strategy, just like when they give free samples, if played right. Of course, I encourage you not to put yourself in that place, but if you end up there anyways, which is okay, you are human, you make mistakes, take this approach instead of denying sex and playing hard to get after you already gave in.

Honestly, the reason you shouldn't have sex too early isn't lack of commitment. To be honest, by giving it later you are playing the game on easy mode, but if you're good at the game, then it doesn't matter. The reason you should wait is vetting. Women can't think straight after sex and a bond is created. Things that are deal breakers before sex, if they came up after, are more likely to be tolerated. That's why you should wait, so that you can choose right, not because of commitment, frankly, it doesn't matter as much as RPW portrays it to matter.

BigRedRover · 2016-12-24T15:51:54+00:00

Cutting this down to the core issue: You're terrible at vetting.

Tinder is also a hook-up site, so you should probably get off of there and look elsewhere to have an easier time.

NittanyLioness84 · 2016-12-27T03:44:28+00:00

If a guy hurts your feelings, make the gym hurt you more!

tekdj · 2016-12-31T15:52:58+00:00

also try daytime dates and in public places only when you do start looking again... and no alcohol or drugs... just get coffee or go to a museum or gallery, no options to have sex, and plently of time to actually talk and vet him properly... plus you can skip out early and say you are having dinner with your sister/mum/friend etc if its going badly...

good luck, hit your goals for health and keep up a fitness regime!

you can do it!

Title	Hopeful
Author	plaidbeauty
Upvotes	7
Comments	9
Date	December 23, 2016 1:27 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5jue2w/hopeful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/hopeful.86760 https://theredarchive.com/post/86760

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