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Dating woes: I only get messaged by beta/omega men. What am I doing wrong?

throwmerere · 2017-01-03T01:14:52+00:00

Hi all, I'm having a problem where I'm putting myself out there on dating sites/dating apps but the only people messaging me who aren't asking...

throwmerere

January 3, 2017

6 upvotes

/r/RedPillWomen

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Title	Dating woes: I only get messaged by beta/omega men. What am I doing wrong?
Author	throwmerere
Upvotes	6
Comments	47
Date	January 3, 2017 1:14 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5loygo/dating_woes_i_only_get_messaged_by_betaomega_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-woes-i-only-get-messaged-by-betaomega-men.86799 https://theredarchive.com/post/86799

Comments

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]mkonryan points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]wub123420 points21 points22 points 9 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]wub123411 points12 points13 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Obviously if there is no attraction then it would be wrong to get involved.

My experience as an average looking guy is that maybe 90% of my emails on dating sites are ignored. The usual drill is...read your email...look at your profile...ignore.

I'm fairly confident that it's not what's written in the profile or email that is putting women off as I'm a professional writer.

My view is that women generally believe that they're being reasonable in their expectations, whereas the reality is that they rate above average guys as below average!

I did a small test of this very premise, and the results came out exactly as I expected. Then loads of women argued about it in the comments section!

I don't think you should sell yourself short, but would it kill you to actually meet one of these guys and see how it goes face to face?

If it would and you 100% know that you're not going to be attracted to them then your only other option is to be patient.

[–]Jayms4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is really interesting. After reading this I saw a photo of a celebrity man online and asked myself if I'd respond to him (theoretically) online if I didn't know who he was. Sometimes even attractive men don't photograph well and seeing them in person or in a movie is what makes us see how attractive they are through their voice, gestures, etc.

Also, back when I was single I went out with a few guys who looked attractive from their photos. One was very handsome but, when he spoke, he had a bit of a facial tic which you don't get in a photo. The other guy was not as handsome as his photo and acted in a very strange way, giving me false information, lying about his age, name, etc. So you can't judge by looks.

My husband and I met online, the first photo he sent me I didn't find that attractive. Then he sent me another and I melted he looked so handsome. So my advice to women dating online is to get out there and have as many coffee dates as possible to see people in person.

[–]throwmerere[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]wub12343 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Willow-girl3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GrowlingBears0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Ficklestix1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Ficklestix0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]HobbesTheBrave2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

You have a good point, but is it inadvisable to discount a guy if there's no physical attraction after some back-and-forth, period?

Yes. Full stop.

The punch-happy-drunkedness, the butterflies-in-stomach of 'in love' has no say in how well that relationship will live 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years later. The marriages that last are very similar to the arranged marriages, for instance the ones ridiculously observant Hindus, Jews, and Christians do.

People joke about trading daughters for a cow or a goat or something, but way back when, religions overtly mocked the teenage crushes. They knew that teenagers didn't understand anything yet, because teenagers aren't paid to think. Unless people are ironic or sarcastic when they're joking, then that joke stops being funny when they notice how their relationship is pulling them into deeper depths, into more awful darkness.

Likewise, a guy's penis, it isn't very good at knowing if that woman over there is going to be a good at being a wife. Or what would you say?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

Hm, I don't know if others will disagree, but I think you're being incredibly harsh. Online interactions are no substitute for IRL dates. It's hard to sense chemistry online, some guys have incredibly sexy voices, sexy ways of moving and interacting with the world, or super obnoxious ways of moving through the world, etc. But, when those guys are online they can't use a quick touch of the arm, a smile, or anything else to convey how they feel, they have to use language (which for many men is not their preferred method of communicating feelings). So I can see a guy come across as over adulating online who wouldn't actually be that way in person. This is part of why I generally dislike online dating; I think it's reductive and doesn't allow for that first gamble move.

I'd actually meet up with a few of these guys, you don't have to sleep with them or even kiss them, but it's a pretty big jump to say they're putting you on a pedestal by saying you're gorgeous. I agree that the early possessiveness is a huge red flag though.

[–]throwmerere[S] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]wub12340 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Most guys don't know how to talk to women. I only learnt over time that loads of compliments, particularly about her appearance, comes across as insincere. Not that I necessarily did this in the past, but I learnt that compliments should be kept to a bare minimum and generic compliments should be avoided. If you're going to compliment a woman then at least be observant enough to notice something in particular.

One of things I've read, it might be a RP thing, is "don't tell her how you feel, show her how you feel", and I can see that this is very true and accurate. I chatted someone up recently on an online site, and I complimented her right at the start when we first exchanged messages, but after that I barely complimented her at all because she already knew that I liked her and it doesn't add anything to the dialogue. It doesn't make you more valuable to her, if anything it does the opposite. When we first dated, I didn't compliment her at all, but we still ended up kissing at the end of the date because we both felt the attraction. It doesn't really need to be expressed verbally.

Most men don't get this particular memo sent to them! They think if they compliment you a lot it will demonstrate that they like you and you will value them more because of this.

I wouldn't write someone off because of this, give guys a chance face-to-face.

[–]throwmerere[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]questionac0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moobx0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moobx1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

It's not a physical attraction thing as much as it is a cultural similarity thing - we're more likely to have similar values and expectations having come from a similar cultural background, than the opposite. I don't discount guys of other races, but I felt the need to specify race because it's a very strong preference. Perhaps it would be a good idea if I rephrased that to make that clearer - it can definitely be misinterpreted now that you've pointed it out!

Yes, I've gotten some messages from men who are more intrigued by the fact that I'm not white than actually being interested in me as a person.

have u tried using that sub, looking at guy profiles/posts and messaging them?

Yes. I met a lovely man at one point because of this, but it didn't work out because of our varying priorities then.

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moobx0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]gothem_ffaja0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

There is really no need for you to explain or present, what your value is.

Dating is selling yourself... and part of it is presenting what your value is to the "buyer" and vice versa. It's a very removed way of viewing it, but that's what it is at the very core, no? :)

If you have a high smv there is nearly no problem to make a guy open the gate to a relationship.

I don't have trouble getting into a relationship with a man I'm interested in. I haven't because I vet strictly and prior to now, I needed more time to work on myself before being ready for someone else.

The issue here is that I'm attracting the type of guy I would never marry - and this is a problem I face in real life too. I would like to know if there's anything in particular I'm doing wrong or can tweak to minimize this and attract the quality man I seek.

[–]TheSelfGoverned1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Cardiscappa0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheSelfGoverned0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwmerere[S] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link