10 Years, 2 trials, acquitted across the board- I’m out of energy

2019-04-23T15:52:53+00:00

Right back you; don't give up the fight. May not feel as though you can feel anything but the sadness and depression, but there's light at the end of that tunnel. See a therapist, surround yourself with good people, and focus on your children. You'll find it.

ZimbaZumba · 2019-04-23T17:46:19+00:00

My thoughts are with you. I deal with people with BPD from time to time, it is a terrble, terrible thing for those around them. Both men and women need to be alerted to the serious dangers of being married to some one with a Borderline Personality.

Borderline women are often very sexual and can initially be attractive, until their full personality comes out. I have witnessed incredible levels of relentless vindictiveness with some of them.

xerxesgm · 2019-04-23T18:07:36+00:00

Wow. As someone who was also falsely accused by a psycho ex during a divorce, I must say I'm inspired. We had no kids and I was accused 3 times (but not felonies) and was also cleared after a year of hell.

This system is messed up. Thank you for sharing your story and I am so happy for your ending - at least you were cleared and received custody.

Decisive1 · 2019-04-23T20:57:37+00:00

Thank you for your comments. I was about an inch from suicide when I wrote this. I dropped my son off at school and made arrangements for someone to pick him up because I wasn’t going to be around anymore. After I dropped him off I wrote this then I went and saw my parents and brother for what I thought or might actually be the last time. They knew something wasn’t right but I could tell they didn’t know what to do. That was about 10 am and 3 hours later I can’t se to pull the trigger. I don’t know what to do. I do know that I wasn’t always like this.

There was an actual moment during the court process where something clicked and I haven’t been able to find my way back. At the time, I was relieved because nothing hurt anymore. The constant stress of court, attorneys, and new allegations she’d come up with to limit mine or my families time with our son was gone. I missed my son and I felt the pain from that at a different level but for the most part when that switch was clicked I became indifferent to everything. I was in court at least once a week usually more. I had a criminal case with serious charges stemming from a false allegation that 1) I’d initiated a divorce because my ex was mentally ill and confining me to our house 2) emotionally just absolutely breaking me to the point where if I left home and went to say school the storm I’d face when I got back outweighed the benefit of leaving in the 1st place. Got to the point where I’d have to take pictures or video on my phone of like a clock and some identifying landmark to prove I wasn’t out with other women- even though I never cheated or even talked to other women- my ex just created this version of me and treated me “as if” I was doing all those things. She wouldn’t let me sleep and if I tried to close myself in a room away from her she’d literally break down the door and come at me with more accusing and asking questions I couldn’t answer because they only existed in her delusion. You can’t answer someone who asks, “why were you out with ______ breaking your vows and ruining your marriage when you have child.... you can’t answer that if ______ is some name a borderline pulled off a class roster of females- looked all of them up on social media, found the one she thought was most attractive, and and concocted a new reality where ______ is the women you’re obviously clearly f——g and you w now been caught in your lies. How do you answer that question of why when there’s no truth to the foundation of the question to begin with? What you do is show the borderline all the proof you can come up with and you hope they’ll realize that they’re paranoia has created this whole make believe scenario placing you, their husband, as the villain when in reality you’re not. Guess what? Doesn’t work. Every delusion that you can’t disprove becomes a tally of the reasons the borderline has to hate you and destroy you emotionally. Eventually that tally is too heavy and you get things like not leaving home anymore, trying to barricade yourself away from this person berating you constantly l, and that not stopping them as they get at you anyways and won’t stop. Why do you stay? If you have a child, you stay because you don’t want the borderline to turn all of that hate on your child and you definitely don’t want that to happen in a situation where you can’t be there to protect them. The borderline will give you hints at what’ll happen if you leave. Maybe they do things that alarm you or key you into the fact that they’ll set you up. Maybe they’ll outright tell you that if you leave them they’ll take your kid(s) and you’ll never see them again. Maybe they try to fabricate DV type fact patterns over their behavior and project that onto you, or maybe you just realize at some point that if they’d do what they’re doing to you while you’re married then what they’d do if you weren’t would exponentially worse. There’s no conscience- maybe you just realize that.

So you stay and get so worn down that eventually you take your chances and try to leave them. Fast forward 5 years and all the court and the lies and the DA and victim witness and the court counselor and all these people who believe your ex they decide that even in the face of overwhelming evidence that your ex is either mentally ill or pathological; they still believe you must’ve done something because how could anyone make all that up if there wasn’t some truth. They don’t understand borderline personality disorder.

Got so bad, we had a mistrial because the prosecuting team (all female) decided that they weren’t going to disclose phone calls my ex made that they had to record per court rules where it ex started accusing me of murder a that has actually taken place locally saying that those people murdered were actually supposed to be her in my orders apparently. Recording of victim witness telling my ex that they couldn’t talk about that but they were sure that wasn’t in danger and literally hanging up on her so they didn’t have more on the recordings that would damage her credibility.

She wouldn’t stop talking so these recordings existed where victim witness is trying to get her off the phone because she’s making allegations that they 100% know are not true- a month from trial and they know if they have to turn over the recordings then I have a chance of defending the “he said she saids.” Do you realize how messed up that is? The court system that’s supposed find truth is worries about their victims credibility during the case? I realize this happens and the evidence against credibility is used against a legitimate victim- but not evidence from the DA’s interactions with the victim?! That is so ridiculous.

So those recordings.... thankfully another employee at the court counselors office heard the conversations and went as far as threatening to report the counselor and DA if they didn’t disclose. This was months before the trial. Our side was told that there were unrelated recording that they didn’t feel were relevant that, because of this overzealous other county counselor employee insisted the disclose. After opening statements they disclosed. The second day of trial. A judge immediately declared a mistrial.

Everything reset. The stress the pain- everything started again. The DA decided to take the case to trial again after the mistrial about 8 months later. Same vertical all female team of prosecutors who, at this point, had so many resources invested in the case that to decide or even consider that they’d made an error was never going to happen.

During that 8 months- that’s when my emotions clicked off. I think they had to because I would’ve crumbled otherwise and I had to stay strong and competent otherwise my son would pay the price. So one day nothing hurt anymore. Court became a nuisance and after being acquitted.... they didn’t feel like anything either.

The next year and a half in family law court where I had to again prove allegations false (because they’re sewerage courts and innocence in one doesn’t mean you’re innocent in the other), then the months of emergency hearings my ex called when I got 50 percent custody. They knew at that point she’d completely fabricate everything, filed over 200 false police reports against me, perjured herself on the stand so much that the judge called in a defense attorney to advise her on the stand because there was evidence that put her in a spot where prior statements almost guaranteed perjury with new cross examination over prior mental health records that surfaced showing 51/50’s on 2 separate occasions and a history of mental health problems I knew nothing about until they came out at trial, had unjustly kept me on paid supervised visitation for 5 years based on all the fake allegations that hadn’t been disproved until the end; all that and she got 50% custody. 2 felony charges, 2 criminal trials, multiple restraining orders, completely destroying my reputation and my families- and she got 50% custody. I ended with 100% but not until she decided to tell everyone including the school principal that our sons 1st grade teacher threatened to kill him and installed cameras in her house.... to account for the 60 absences he had by January of his 2nd grade school year. I got 100% because the principal spoke up. Not because the court wanted to correct the years of assisted kidnapping they’d participated in.... nope just because someone saw her crazy and was concerned. That’s how messed up our court system is. My grammar and punctuation is terrible I apologize but I had a lot to get out and not a lot of time to do so.

Anyways I have to go. Point is, my emotions haven’t turned back on in the following 5 years since they turned off. Nobody can fix me and they really don’t know how to because I can’t feel happy or joy or even have real laugh that’s not basically just to sound like I find something amusing. I hate this and I don’t ever hate anything but I hate this feeling.

The_Devil_Memnoch · 2019-04-24T03:49:23+00:00

I'm a man, and I'm the father of two amazing boys.

My wife and I have been separated for quite some time and divorce is on the horizon...

This scenario is terrifying.

I'm legitimately afraid of our legal systems, not because of any sort of guilt, but because I'm a man.

The worst part?

The fear is not irrational...

TrumpCardStrategy · 2019-04-24T12:20:07+00:00

Civil suit the fuck out of her if you can

mtcapri · 2019-04-23T22:47:24+00:00

Jesus Fucking Christ, dude, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wholeheartedly agree with your message though: you have to keep fighting, no matter how much you feel like giving in, for the sake of your children.

However, I do have to ask: was the cunt who did this to you ever punished—outside of losing custody of her children? I'm guessing she wasn't, and that's part of the problem. She should be behind bars for a good 10+ years for this shit. I totally understand if you don't have the energy left to fight for such an outcome (the law probably wouldn't even allow for it), but you shouldn't be the one expending it—the State should be prosecuting the hell out of her.

KombuchaWarfare · 2019-04-23T23:26:39+00:00

Stay strong brother.

I can't imagine what that was like so my words would seem hollow if I tried.

Stay strong brother.

idolatryforbeginners · 2019-04-24T00:06:17+00:00

sweet fucks. What an ordeal. All the best to you and your kid.

DougDante · 2019-04-24T01:14:10+00:00

tweet with me to seek justice:

"within the night she made sure I’d never get out. 2 felony charges, a restraining order, supervised visits once a week for 5 years, and hundreds of thousands". Fix @CivilRights @OVWJustice @TheJusticeDept @realDonaldTrump @senjudiciary #mensrights https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/bghyk5/10_years_2_trials_acquitted_across_the_board_im/

Title	10 Years, 2 trials, acquitted across the board- I’m out of energy
Author	Decisive1
Upvotes	113
Comments	14
Date	April 23, 2019 3:49 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/bghyk5/10_years_2_trials_acquitted_across_the_board_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/10-years-2-trials-acquitted-across-the-board-im.879126 https://theredarchive.com/post/879126

Comments