So Gillette made a video. I had glimpsed a bunch of negative headlines about Gillette's video, so when I finally ended up watching it, I expected to see some kind of horrible ad that paints men as despicable monsters that society needs to shame into acting more like decent human beings. I watched the video with a friend and, to my surprise, the video didn't seem nearly as bad as I expected. To me the ad seemed to be trying to say "respect women and try to intervene if you see women being mistreated".

That said, I can see how it could've seemed like the Gillette ad was saying all men are inherently bad and will naturally mistreat women unless society shames them enough to stop. I see it, I really do. The thing is, I don't think general audiences/viewers can see that right off the bat, so if we want people to listen to our side of the conversation, then it has to be just that, a conversation, not a flame war.

Here's what I mean: like I mentioned, I watched the Gillette ad with a friend, Amy. She is the sweetest person on Earth. Amy is a survivor of sexual assault. Amy was crying happy tears while watching the ad and she felt that it was a welcome message of "mistreating women is not ok" which is a message she strongly agrees with. She loved the part that was kind of saying "Fathers, set a good example of how to treat women with love and respect, because your sons are watching and they are the men and fathers of tomorrow". I like that sentiment too; who wouldn't. :)

Amy then turned to me after the video was done and was like "Wasn't that awesome?" with an optimistic look on her face. I responded saying that I agree that men and women should respect each other and we all should try to intervene if we see women (or men) being mistreated. I said I agree that we should all set good examples for the children who are observing and learning from us. I also gently said that some people might feel like this ad could be construed as saying that, as a group, men are despicable monsters that society needs to shame into acting more like decent human beings. She was surprised to hear that but agreed that men shouldn't be made to feel responsible or guilty.

Now if I had started angrily shouting about how "not all men are like that" or something like that, she probably would've been horribly shocked and started thinking I was some kind of woman-hating monster. My point in this post is that we need to remember to attack problems, not people. Give the people around you who liked the Gillette ad the benefit of the doubt - assume that they, like Amy, are blind to the (possibly accidental) in-between-the-lines message that all men should feel guilty. Then you can talk with them calmly and civilly about, first, what you agree on, and then add your point of view. Talk with them like a partner, not an adversary.

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TL;DR:

DON'T: "Oh, you saw that Gillette ad? I HATE THAT AD SO MUCH!!! NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT!!! WHY AM I BEING LECTURED!!!! ..." etc.

DO: "Oh, you saw that Gillette ad? Cool, I agree that men and women should respect each other and we all should try to intervene if we see women (or men) being mistreated. I agree that we should all set good examples for the children who are observing and learning from us. You might not have considered this, but some people might feel like this ad could be construed as saying that, as a group, men are despicable monsters that society needs to shame into acting more like decent human beings. So I just want to take this opportunity to say that men (and women) are inherently good inside and being a man doesn't make you a future creeper and men shouldn't be made to feel guilty for the actions of specific individuals".

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EDIT: I just want to clarify - I'm not defending the Gillette ad. I'm just talking about how we engage with people who a saw the ad and liked it. I'm not really commenting on whether or not the ad should've been made in the first place. But the fact is that the ad exists and is out there are some people liked it. All I'm trying to talk about is how we can have a conversation with the people who liked the ad in such a way that they're more likely to understand us and our concerns. That's it. :)