As we dug a little deeper into our individual experiences and histories, many of us found ourselves feeling very angry about how little our needs had mattered to those around us throughout our lives.

Hadashi_blacksky · 2018-07-24T16:42:28+00:00

That's a very profound and important article.

Rethgil · 2018-07-25T00:07:13+00:00

Male disposability.

Its how most of us were raised.

thrway_1000 · 2018-07-25T00:12:50+00:00

Men are expected to provide, not want or even need.

Archive -- https://archive.is/ZbbFQ

i_reckon_not · 2018-07-25T02:21:10+00:00

I'll start by saying that I thought the general thrust of the article was good and that I'm glad to see a bit more talk around this topic.

But while this is better than many of the similar pieces floating around (one would hope so from a "men's magazine", though often in vain) there is still this underlying implication that this unwillingness to open up , vocalise our needs and all the rest is still largely the fault of the individual or of "men" generally. You see this even when the cause of this behaviour is briefly skirted with

Men are often most deeply wounded in groups of other males while growing up, and are therefore highly protected against letting it happen again.

Is this really a common experience for, I don't know, North American men or young men deep into school age sport or something? I ask because I sometimes feel like I'm taking crazy pills when it comes to this topic because this was not the experience of myself or any man I know, so I can only assume it must be some experience unique to areas I have no experience in. "Groups of other males" - at least when it was only other males, always were my "safe space" growing up.

Regardless, this is something I'm thinking about a bit more today since there is yet another new campaign in my country announced by a well-meaning mental health organisation to try to "reach young men" and teach them how to "ask for help" and I find myself thinking the same thing I always do when these things come across my radar. There is nothing inherent in men that prevents from asking for help. We all know by now that, according to the data, small boys actually tend to cry more (ie. "asking for help") than girls and generally desire/require more attention and care. There is no "male stoicism" gene.

The problem is not in the asking, the problem is in the giving. God knows my childhood was saturated with endless campaigns to try to get men and boys to "open up", "ask for help", "express themselves." They achieved little and 30 years on I'm still hearing the exact same things and in some ways, at least judging from the urgency of the rhetoric, not to mention the suicide figures, it might be going backwards. The reason we all pretty much learn to stop asking for help despite these endless admonitions and campaigns and have trouble with it later is because once our voices start to crack, we learn very quickly that the help we need isn't there and we are more likely to end up worse off for the asking.

The problem isn't on the demand side. There's plenty of help needed and plenty of asking going on. The problem is with the supply.

JestyerAverageJoe · 2018-07-24T19:03:00+00:00

Is this magazine as feminist as it appears to be from their most recent issue?

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