I've decided to be brave and testify against my ex who raped me

11,800 points•483 comments•submitted by bloodboyle to r/TwoXChromosomes

I just need somewhere to vent. I need counseling and am looking into it, but until then I just need to post this and get it out of my head to people who can maybe understand a little. I want to so badly tell the whole story here, but I know that wouldn't be smart at this stage since the trial hasn't even begun, and he is pleading not guilty. I just wanted to say I feel proud of myself for having the courage to do this. At first I wasn't going to testify and was going to let him go free, but it's been months since the event happened and I have a clearer mind. Bottom line what he did was wrong, and whether the courts find him guilty or not guilty, at least I tried and can finally say for once I'm doing something for myself. I always feel bad for others over myself, and even felt bad for him and that he was going through this for a time, and I felt bad for his family who were begging me not to press charges.

But I've realized now. What he did was wrong, and it made me reflect on the relationship. How I could never really tell him 'no' because he would ask again, then beg, then touch me anyway until I just gave in and learned not to say 'no' since it was pointless. I didn't know at the time that this wasn't right. If he could realize, whether through jail time, counseling, etc, that what he did to me was wrong and his views on sex are completely wrong, then I would be more at peace. If he walks away without punishment right now, and without me at least trying, there's a chance he could do this to another woman. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he did this to someone else again, and that single thought gives me enough courage to go forward with my decision.

Thanks for reading.

edit: wwooowww I did not expect this to blow up and so fast. I just wanted to say since I probably won't do it individually, thank you all so much for the support and kind words. <333 And to anyone who is dealing with or dealt with something similar, please make sure you talk to someone to get the help you need and deserve, whether that is a counselor or just a friend. You don't deserve to deal with something so traumatic and then just bottle it up inside. If you want to be anonymous feel free to DM me!! I will listen.

Thanks for the gold!! <33

edit2: I want to edit this again because people are confusing my "I could never tell him no" part of the story with the actual rape. I did not detail or describe the actual rape event in this post. Him being a pushy bf who could not take no for an answer is not what I'm taking him to court for. The actual rape was much worse and we were broken up for a few weeks, and that's all I will say.