TRP has given me everything I ever wanted.... I think.

Guh99 · 2013-12-25T04:10:02+00:00

You've been with her for a month.

She doesn't need to know deep shit about you, but you already want to tell her. Sure you were strong up front but you're already falling back into the pattern.

snwborder52 · 2013-12-25T06:50:37+00:00

Read the book "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. It's not RP, but it will help.

Look, your problem is that you got into this relationship by not being yourself. Who you think you are and who your girlfriend thinks you are are two different things. This gap is causing your suffering.

The way to solve this then is two fold. One, begin to open up to her. Help her understand who you really are. Don't overshare, don't unload everything on her all at once. But share some emotional vulnerability with her. Let her see that you don't have all the answers. This will build an emotional connection with her.

Now TRP will say "No! Don't do that! That will kill her attraction to you!" And they are absolutely correct, it will. The more you share these things with her the less attracted to you she will be.

The underlying conflict in relationships is that emotional vulnerability is the source of emotional connection, but also emotional vulnerability kills attraction. Desire and Love are polars. Desire is built through the unknown, Love is built through the known.

On the flipside, work on yourself. Become the man your girlfriend things you are. This is the other way to close the gap.

So there's a balance. This is why you must share it bits at a time. As you get to know each other over the years (if the relationship lasts that long) you will be able to share your darkest secrets with her.

If you want a truly successful LTR, the man you are and the man she thinks you are must be one and the same. Then, you never have to worry about this shit. You will know that she will always desire you, even if you fuck up.

Zackwell · 2013-12-25T03:07:46+00:00

Let me ask you something.

Why do you feel it necessary to dump your issues onto your girlfriend so badly? What is that's stopping you from accepting the fact that what happened to you is in hindsight, that it gave you more hair on your chest and focus on how to improve yourself, your life and your value in order to prevent the same (or similar) events from happening to you and/or your loved ones? Why is it so imperative that you talk about these things to someone you're worried you'll scare away in doing exactly that?

I can't spill my heart to her and allow myself to be comforted by her.

Nobody ever said you had to spill your heart to her. You shouldn't spill your heart to anyone, really. Employ some trickle truth, if necessary. Whether it's with her, your guy friends while out at a bar or other social outing, family, whatever. I don't see anything wrong with mentioning one (maybe two) of these things you feel the need to talk about, if you're mindful of the delivery.

What I'd recommend doing is deliver it as an offhand comment, then quickly changing the subject. No need to broach it by opening up with a variation of "I need to get something off my chest" and creating an uncomfortable situation or killing the present mood. You let it out in short bursts, not all at once. Use it to gauge the situation and see if it's appropriate. If anyone wants to discuss it further or relate and empathize with you, let it out a little more. If not, change the subject. Moderation without appearing needy is crucial here, even down to your facial expressions.

If anyone else has any input on my theory, please weigh in.

schizoiddude · 2013-12-25T05:13:36+00:00

I just want to spill this stuff thats been weighing on me for so long but dont want to kill the attraction.

You may benefit from keeping a journal. Sometimes the urge to just spill your guts is overwhelming. I imagine it was pretty cathartic for you to write all of this up. Whenever you feel that urge, just unload it into your journal. No one will ever see it. No one will ever judge you. But you'll probably feel much better.

phaseonx11 · 2013-12-25T17:49:40+00:00

Don't spill. What you need is to keep a journal. Write down your thoughts daily. Reflect. Be your own therapist, however do not ruminate on negative things that have happened to you. Learn and let go.

If you ever feel overwhelmed by anything, remember that there are certain things is life that we cannot control.

The only thing we as men can always control are our bodies and minds. There is no sense in letting shit take away your equanimity.

mrpoopistan · 2013-12-26T06:14:38+00:00

Honestly? My happiest moment with all this business was when I started throwing out TRP ideas that I didn't like.

That's not to say that they're all wrong, but . . . the thing with all of this is that it boils down to the idea that you have to take ownership of your existence. And at some point that also means taking ownership of the ideas that guide you and throwing out the ones that don't work or the ones that you're just not happy with.

For example, I am probably the most liberal guy here. I don't feel the need to follow a lot of the right-wing shit in this subreddit down the rabbit hole. Why? Because the differences between men and women don't have to be problems between men and women. And the racial shit that creeps up (not really in the subreddit, but once you get out into the blogs with fuckers like Roissy) that shit just flat-out has got to go.

Now, I have the advantage that I'm a pretty emotionally dead guy. Most guys need help with approach issues -- that stuff never bothered me. To the extent that game has had value to me, it's been in comfort-building (where I really suck) and escalation (where I needed to more aggressively explore the limits than I had been). So some of the stuff I throw out is just the shit that doesn't apply to my particular case.

Every educational process starts with addition. You assemble a toolkit. But true mastery of anything is only achieved when you start subtracting and specializing until you go from carrying around The General Toolkit to employing Your Toolkit.

da-way · 2013-12-25T03:05:14+00:00

"You can never have enough of what you don't need."

Guh99 · 2013-12-25T06:41:03+00:00

Keep her guessing. Practice constant awareness of situations

alt30313 · 2013-12-25T19:21:03+00:00

There is a daily sense of dread that I can't have the emotional connection I have always wanted with a woman.

you could make a really good male friend that you trust implicitly and share with him. You should also reciprocate so the relationship benefits both parties (also so your friend has an incentive not to share your secrets). Or You could take a trick from the opposite sex's play book and find a person you have no interest in sexually/you don't think is good enough for you and unload on them (get your own orbiter).

Trickle truths will change your relationship and they may relieve your emotional burden. You have to ask you self if you want your relationship the way it is now or "the normal" relationship most people find themselves in.

Title	TRP has given me everything I ever wanted.... I think.
Author	sauldot
Upvotes	15
Comments	19
Date	December 25, 2013 2:14 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1tnb3q/trp_has_given_me_everything_i_ever_wanted_i_think/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/trp-has-given-me-everything-i-ever-wanted-i-think.9225 https://theredarchive.com/post/9225

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