Paying for dates !?

quicklogaccount · 2017-08-02T16:33:58+00:00

Sorry man but I have a TERRIBLE experience on that.

Last year I ended a long commitment, over six years, and the main hang out we had were dinner dates I paid, and I grew to enjoy eating well, having a decent service and sometimes some decent wine or beer with that. So, what issue would be there if I took dates to those places since I genuinely enjoy them?

It hints "relationship material" to them and it causes chicks to prance themselves as hard as they can, making everything they have as valuable as they can possibly make, which means making the pussy hard to get. Even if they want sex. It was a terrible strategy for me, I quit on most chicks because they were avoiding escalation.
One particular chick I picked up in a club and could have fnlaid if I wasn't so rusty. Hands into pants, she was a fucking tease with "CC rider" stamped on her dear forehead. I took her to a "nice place" on the first date after that and we had sex on the fourth date and she was unenthusiastic as fuck. We had sex three times before she started "the talk".

deadwoodcylon · 2017-08-02T16:26:37+00:00

Bad idea, and already some serious hamstering by you.

You've already put her on a pedestal.

Too late now, you've already set the expectation. You'll be put in Beta Fucks category.

fatgymrat · 2017-08-02T16:08:03+00:00

yes and no. if youre after a ltr, it sets a bad precedent as anything after will be compared to that level of date. eg. a year down the line "why are we getting a take away when he used to take me to nobu". if after a quick smash/fwb then it can work in your favour as she might try to lock you down. use basic trp ideas to withdraw and drag it out. stating shes ltr potential without knowing her is an issue though.
if you are 'treating her' on the first date, then it automatically gives her the upper hand. you think shes worth it etc. this ones tricky, but i think you can only balance it out with yourself, not her, by accepting that nothing may come of this, and be fine with that. youve had a nice night out at a great restaurant and thats that.
the more basic the better. simple 'non datey' things are the best imo. i did a sit down dinner type 'date' last year, regretted it straight away and never bothered contacting again.
nothing wrong with it. it can actually help, as long as you dont make it seem like a hardship (''wow that bill is massive''), dont insinuate that you expect anything in return for it, and go in with the mental frame of youre doing it because you want to and that you can easily afford it.

trp mentions paying for no more than a coffee on a first date. trp isnt a 1 size fits all thing though. whats affordable to you might not be to me, so if you can comfortably afford this date, and feel no way about her doing the old 'hes a great guy but i just didnt feel any spark' routine, then go ahead. otherwise, cancel.

seattleron · 2017-08-02T16:30:04+00:00

Unfortunately too late for that without me flaking. So this was more geared towards how to recover rather than how to not make this mistake in the first place reservations already set.

You have kind of set yourself up for a bad spot. No way you can expect her to pay her half when she most likely has no idea that it will come to over $100.

Can you just make it a drinks only date? If so, you can say, "first drink is on me, next on you" or something like that. If you can't make it drinks only, then - and I'm trying hard to make this come across correctly - you need to somehow convey in a non butthurt, non asshole, non cheap, non beta way that this isn't normal, and you won't be doing this normally. That something like this is usually only after a woman has earned your trust.

How you convey that will depend on how things are flowing, her vibe, etc. Just tread carefully, be cool and confident, ignore her beauty and potential, and maybe make a joke of it.

"Ya know, it's only after 5 dates, daily massages, home cooked meals, and lots of Netflix do I take girls to a place like this. Are you good at those things, if not i'll call (mutual friend's name) to come get you right now!"

Something like that. Say it sarcastically, while smiling and winking or something. Not sure what else to do to limit the possible damage besides that.

Please post an update.

BlueBlus · 2017-08-02T15:07:00+00:00

How many dates have you been on?

How can I take her to an expensive resturant and tell her to not pay for expensive things?

There are tons of dates you can do without paying.

I dont pay for dates. But when i do its no big deal. Maybe buy a coffee for her or dinner once and a while but I expect courtesy so that she does it back.

ecoflip · 2017-08-02T18:28:23+00:00

Say what you want about the guy, but this is pretty solid advice IMO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71o3hq6iSPM

jurguenklomiken · 2017-08-02T18:50:26+00:00

Tell her the restaurant called you to cancel the reservation for some administrative shit

redpill_disciple · 2017-08-02T20:17:51+00:00

There is a section in the book "Practical Female Psychology" that answers this dilemma.

"Materialistas are primarily motivated by material wealth, by money, prestige and the power that such things bring. An inexperienced, tactless Materialista may easily get upset at the suggestion that you split the bill on dates, whereas a more sophisticated Materialista may actually bait you by offering to pay on occasion, knowing that you will be compelled to pay later when it really counts.3 You will easily recognize such women by their conversation. Is she primarily interested in talking about money and the things money can buy? A favorite verbal technique of women is to present things to you in the third person, such as “My girlfriend is so lucky; her boyfriend just flew her to Vegas first class, and they are staying in the presidential suite and...” If you find that a woman’s level of affection towards you rises and falls consistently with the amount of money you are spending on her, then you can bet you have a Materialista on your hands.

The key to handling a Materialista, or handling any women showing a bit of materialism in her behavior is to “pimp” her. That is, you must put the woman to work for you, by having her do little things for your benefit, at your convenience, at her expense. This might be cooking or cleaning for you, or running errands to the market, or ordering items from the internet. Real-life prostitutes require a full-time, professional pimp, who handles the business side of her operations, and provides emotional support when necessary. The rest of us need only to recognize the symptoms of the Materialista when they emerge, and take immediate steps to deal with them."

TryhardPantiesON · 2017-08-02T17:45:02+00:00

serious LTR potential.

You don't know that yet, you have very high expectations, people with high expectations often get dissapointed, treat her like any other woman, don't put her in a pedestal.

I'm taking her to Nobu. (Google it if you're unfamiliar but long story short is it would be a miracle to make it out for under $150.. and in all likelyhood dinner and drinks will likely run like $150 - $250)

It's a bad idea to spend so much on a first date, you are setting a bad precedent, she will think that you are jacked in money, and even if she doesn't want to have sex or a relationship with you, she will try to take advantage of you.

The common concensus is that this is a bad idea, bail. Change plans, pick a new restaurant that serves food from other country, and tell her you wanted to experience new foods, and flavors, ect and you want her to be part of this adventure.

Pitchfork51 · 2017-08-02T18:28:57+00:00

I just think dinner is incredibly awkward for a first date in general. It really isn't about the money so much.

I'm trying to think if I ever have done that.

Met a girl for drinks and we moved bars and ordered a thing of sushi which was fine.

Met a girl at a pool party and went and got some sushi and sake bombs a couple hours later (I was in college).

I can't think of any other dinner first date.

These were super casual though. Like Ra and some local place. It was for drinks not food.

blackedoutfast · 2017-08-02T20:02:24+00:00

you're literally doing everything wrong bro.

redaftrp · 2017-08-03T16:57:14+00:00

I would avoid taking a first time date anywhere serious, the reason being, you're investing(in this case substantially) with no offer of investment apart from her time(which is literally worthless). I typically would go for drinks and back to my place(or theirs) and bang it out for a few weeks before any serious dinner dates even become a possibility. Cook/grill some steaks and showcase your ability to cook (lead) then tell her the next time you two dine together she can cook. Make it a challenge for her to please you and she'll be hooked.

Title	Paying for dates !?
Author	Hmonte1
Upvotes	1
Comments	31
Date	August 2, 2017 2:59 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6r4qgj/paying_for_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/paying-for-dates.95139 https://theredarchive.com/post/95139

Comments