i feel powerless [female to male abuse]

ayounganon · 2016-01-13T02:08:36+00:00

Why did your sister tell you not to file a restraining order? She already came into your place with a secret key and blackmailed you.

WolfInFlannel · 2016-01-13T05:24:58+00:00

Block the number in your phone, stop replying/giving in to her requests.

You shouldn't stick your dick in crazy, much less psycho. Get over her and find someone / something new to take your mind off her. BUT! First things first, file the damn restraining order, get that psycho bitch out of your life. It's worth a century being single than having to deal with that shit. Been through it, can confirm.

wisty · 2016-01-13T03:54:51+00:00

i picked her up at a party thinking she was in trouble, she texted "help" and found her out of her mind drunk.

I'm assuming she's not a complete retard. If she needs help, she can call 911. Or a friend. She doesn't need you. Sorry to burst your bubble, but she can actually survive without you, she just might have to stop behaving like a spoiled brat.

The only thing you should do to help her is call emergency services if she threatens self-harm (so they can take her in for a psych evaluation).

Monday night i placed a police report naming her as the person who damaged my car and assaulted me (i have no bruises), i choose not to place any charges, and after conversing with my ex-social worker sister have decided not to submit the restraining order, not wanting to cause anymore trouble.

Fine, you don't want to press charges. But not submitting a restraining order is retarded.

Let's say she storms in again. What are you going to do? Hit her and go to prison? Call the cops? Keep putting up with it?

Just get the restraining order, and never deal with her shit again.

well if you do i will ruin you, i will spill all your secrets, i will place assault charges against you! remember...i bruise easily

Yeah, why is she saying that? It's because she doesn't intend to keep her distance. She's going to keep coming until you take her back. Or she's crazy and doesn't know what she wants (so you need a restraining order - keeping crazy ex's at bay is their main purpose!).

She's not worth your time. If you want to feel good about devoting your life to a charity case (which she sounds like) then you can give money to some starving African kid instead.

SigmundFloyd76 · 2016-01-13T10:08:10+00:00

Dude with relevant experience here.

My ex begged me not to go to the police; not to get an EPO.

A few days later: KNOCK KNOCK. It was the police. She had applied for an EPO and removed me from my house.

She was the violent and unstable one, not me.

she gets the last laugh :(

The bad relationship was one thing. The abuse and the getting cheated on and lied to was emotionally draining and soul destroying, but the bitterness and the implications from being falsely accused of DV as a tactic in a divorce settlement has absolutely ruined my life.

I was reluctant to "use the system", but when people figure out that "the system" is coming one way or another, well you don't want to be on the wrong side of it.

victorymonk · 2016-01-13T15:43:18+00:00

I don't know why /u/Allblacksworldchamps got downvoted but what he said. Also,

-- CHANGED THE LOCKS! and

-- Try to stay away from her for a month of so. I know it's easier said than done, so leave yourself nor choice. Do overtime at work, find second part-time job. Anything, so that you don't have time to be her and she knows that and lays off of you.

EDIT: if you don't have it in you to tell her that you decided to change the locks, lie that it was your brother (sister?) or your mom who just came while you were at work and did that. Might save you some trouble.

zulu127 · 2016-01-13T10:45:46+00:00

i feel powerless

Of course you do because,

decided not to submit the restraining order

Wouldn't surprise me if you get a notice of restraint against you soon.

InvaderDem · 2016-01-13T16:06:33+00:00

I would appreciate second opinions, but you should make sure you have these incidents documented - the damage to your car and the restraining order.

This shows you have actively requested to have her leave you alone. This way, if she files a RO, they may see you did it first.

I wonder why your sister advised against a RO.

From here on out, if you talk to her, do so in a method that comes with timestamps. If she goes crazy on you in an email or text, you have written proof of her actions that is documented by a third party - like Gmail or Verizon SMS.

ayounganon · 2016-01-14T02:32:08+00:00

http://imgur.com/DDLl3Ac

http://imgur.com/8fqZyUl

This is the damage

Allblacksworldchamps · 2016-01-13T11:04:20+00:00

First check out Dr T http://shrink4men.com

If you have sugested a restraining order to her, you can be certian she will have it ticking over in her mind by now, and both parties know its best to get in first. Yes they are provocotive and next to useless, but at least its a history the police can follow that you are trying to get out, not trying to chase or control her.

And you need to act if she violates it.

2nd her mental health is no longer your responsibility, and your involvement will only make it worse, ie feed and enable. She will have others, hopefully that can get her assesed for anger or mental issues.

3) I am assuming in the above the worst and that you did cross a line that could be embarrasing or potentialy abusive, hence running from the parents neighbour, rather than asking for help or knocking on the parents door, and the concerns about the RO and pressing charges. If this is true, then your sister is hopefully a good trusted advisor, open up to her, if just for someone who will hear your side of the story.

If you do fear the police the RO is key, a quiet question to a policeman helped me understand that they do see both sides of DV regularly. But you must be able to convince any future police that you are trying to escape the relationship, and not to pursue it as a friend or for any other reason - you are afraid of her pursing you, not her afraid of you. It puts the best possible light on whatever may come.

4) In this vein, never be alone, and dont be afraid to wake people to hang in with you, never give the chance for an unwitnessed conversation or sleeping in seperate rooms of the same house. Any future contact through official chanels if possible, or recorded/witnessed if not.

5) Investigate your past relationships. Are you from an abusive or emotionally draining family? Was she? Often this is where the drama starts, for one party or both. You may be used to dealing with or living with abusive personalities, may have picked up abusive or enabeling habits, or have been bought up to be the white knight attracted to highly charged individuals. Neither is pleasant.

Best of luck, and dont be afraid to lean on you friends/family - thats what the're there for.

Title	i feel powerless [female to male abuse]
Author	ayounganon
Upvotes	31
Comments	29
Date	January 13, 2016 1:47 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/40poxp/i_feel_powerless_female_to_male_abuse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-feel-powerless-female-to-male-abuse.963279 https://theredarchive.com/post/963279

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