Women 'more upset by emotional betrayal than sexual infidelity'... but for men it is the exact opposite

girlwriteswhat · 2015-10-09T15:27:11+00:00

Long term cooperative mating strategies (which represent only one of many mating strategies) between men and women tend to involve the man offering practical support (resources, time, effort, protection) in return for reproductive opportunities, and women offering reproductive opportunities in return for practical support.

Sexual infidelity on the part of the female partner means the man is possibly losing the reproductive opportunities he's trading his practical support for. More than this, he may end up investing a great deal of time, energy, resources and protection in children that are not his genetic progeny. This is a double betrayal: firstly, he may end up a genetic dead end (didn't get what he was "paying" for, which can also occur due to infertility or a wife who refuses to have sex, or whatever), and secondly he may end up paying for someone else's reproductive opportunities (he's paying for a rival man's genetic success).

Emotional infidelity on the part of the male partner means the woman may lose the practical support she's trading her reproductive capability for. He might leave her, or spend some of his finite resources on her [the mistress], resources that should be hers, as per their bargain.

Of course, none of these instincts take into account relatively recent changes in how society assigns responsibility to parents.

The woman today may have just as much reason to be upset at the sexual infidelity of her male partner, as he can be held financially accountable for any offspring born of that sexual infidelity (which means she will, of necessity, be receiving less practical support from him). In the distant past, a man's financial responsibility for any bastard children was largely voluntary. Now it is not. She may have less real cause to fear emotional infidelity on the part of her man, as the penalties when he follows those emotions out of this relationship and into another are quite extreme--alimony, child support, "I want half!" He's less likely to leave his marriage because he's "in love" with someone else, and if he does, she will still maintain a portion of what she was paying for.

Of course, men still have just as much cause to be upset by sexual infidelity as they ever did, given that married men are still typically held financially responsible for children born into the marriage, even when they can prove those children aren't theirs. But now, they should also fear emotional infidelity, because no-fault divorce means a woman can act on that emotional infidelity by leaving her current husband while keeping a portion of his practical support (in terms of divorce settlements, alimony and child support).

These fears, given that they seem to be adapted to our past environment but not our current one, are a great argument for sex differences in innate psychological predispositions.

Edited for clarity

192873982 · 2015-10-09T12:44:15+00:00

If we look at nature, men want to generate offspring. The amount of offspring a man can produce is reduced by sexual infidelity of his woman.

The woman on the other hand is not influenced in her ability to generate offspring, if the man cheats sexually. The woman is therefore interested in the wellbeing of her offspring and herself, to increase the number of her children that make it to adulthood. A man betraying her on an emotional level is a man that cares about her less, decreasing hers and her offsprings chance of surviving a certain amount of time.

2015-10-09T15:04:40+00:00

And in other "no-shit news"...

Evo Psych explains that this is genetics 101:

A woman's ability to successfully procreate involves not just copulation, but monopolization of the man's resources (protection, provision, etc) so that her offspring can survive and procreate also.
A man's ability to successfully procreate (especially in the confines of a monogamous relationship) involves monopolization of the woman's sexual availability.

So if a man goes to a prostitute to cheat on his wife, or if it was just a hook-up, he is not dividing his resources (aside from a few dollars). He is not endangering her ability to pass on her genes. But a woman that cheats absolutely is endangering that ability for her man.

This is why women can forgive infidelity more often than men.

JayBopara · 2015-10-09T15:59:17+00:00

This when is this new news? This has been studied and known for decades.

HaberdasherFetishist · 2015-10-09T21:15:43+00:00

Professor Bendixen said: 'Jealousy is learned, but we feel confident that these reactions are mechanisms that are part of an evolved human mind, given comparable findings across several nations.'

Wait, what?

SlimThugga · 2015-10-09T13:23:49+00:00

Wha? But how is it possible to sexually betray someone without also betraying them emotionally and viceversa? The way they asked the question is pretty weird and it makes it sound like sexual and emotional betrayal can be separate.

Any link to the study?

masterofthehaus · 2015-10-09T13:18:27+00:00

Could also be a social factor to it; like there's definitely a social belief that men will cheat (don't know how true it is, but it is a perception), so maybe women sort of think that at some point they might come up agains that and are less upset about it compared to emotional cheating?

Title	Women 'more upset by emotional betrayal than sexual infidelity'... but for men it is the exact opposite
Author	Imnotmrabut
Upvotes	54
Comments	28
Date	October 9, 2015 9:19 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/3o2xe1/women_more_upset_by_emotional_betrayal_than/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/women-more-upset-by-emotional-betrayal-than-sexual.969728 https://theredarchive.com/post/969728

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