Guys I'm scared

FasCap · 2015-08-06T04:36:29+00:00

Seek counselling, your fears are not reasonable. Also verify you are allowed to be here in the TOS.

Providence_Island · 2015-08-06T05:29:58+00:00

The advice in this thread is horrible.

First thing: face your fears. This is the most effective means of overcoming them.

Second thing: you can't face all your fears. there will always be an "unknown quantity."

The odds of you being falsely accused of rape are about the same as you being a rapist. So if I you were you I would RELAX. Obviously marriage is a currently a shitty deal for men, but that doesn't mean you can't have relationships. The vast majority of women -- like the vast majority of men -- have no interest in sexual politics.

DougDante · 2015-08-06T05:51:02+00:00

Talk to your dad.

This should not be a major concern for you right now.

MRSPArchiver · 2015-08-06T03:27:28+00:00

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sidewalkchalked · 2015-08-06T07:13:54+00:00

Hello. I am 30 and so I have been through the dating scene. I am married now to a nice woman, who for the most part is very good to me and is a strong, solid partner.

If I think back to when I was 13, I also faced a lot of anxiety. I would wake up at night worried about someday going to college, dating, about what I was going to do when I left my parents house, how to make money, etc.

Some of my fears turned out accurate, but most didn't. The ones that were accurate are more interesting to tell you about.

When you have a fear, you build it in your head into a huge wall. You see it up ahead and there is no way to get past.

But in reality fears are not walls, they are hills. They are not things you can't get around. They are just things that take effort to overcome. It takes hard work, and it isn't always easy or fun.

But it is possible.

My fear about going out on my own, for example, was true. I went days with little to eat sometimes. But once you accomplish something, it feels really good. Like reaching the top of the mountain and looking back at where you came. And you realize you're much more bad ass than when you started. And you realize you actually like climbing mountains.

In your specific case, here is a tool that could help: I would recommend that you try to take some time out each day to meditate. If you haven't tried it before, you can google Sam Harris' podcast. He has some very easy guided meditations.

Why do this? It helps to separate fear from your daily reality. As you get out there, you're gonna need your energy for solving problems, meeting people, and working. You don't want to be tripped up by fear along the way. That's why you need tools to help you deal with whatever life throws at you, even if it isn't what you're anticipating now.

As for your specific fear.

You can't control other people. You can only control yourself. Be a good person. Do what's right. Seek out good mentors and role models. Trust your gut. Don't worry. You'll be fine. Like I said it's a hill not a wall. Just keep moving.

Finally keep in mind that most men find a balance that works for them. Some of my buddies are married or getting married. Some have kids. Some are still dating. Some are not. Try not to get too caught up in the 'media bullshit,' because most of life is more more normal and complex than the media says. There are 10,000,000 ways to have a cool life. For all the friends I know and all the things that happened to them not one had his life ruined by accusations. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it's more important at the moment for you to build your skills and enjoy your life than it is to worry about a threat somewhere in the foggy future.

Good luck bro. You'll make it!

2015-08-06T09:41:37+00:00

Check under the bed for feminists.

mikesteane · 2015-08-06T10:41:34+00:00

The victims of false accusations seem to be very largely drawn from one group: blue pillers. Go to reddit/theredpill and find out how these things actually work.

GenderNeutralLanguag · 2015-08-06T13:03:55+00:00

While it is possible for a woman to pick your name out of a directory and accuse you of rape, it is exceedingly rare. An alien invasion or Zombie apocalypse are more reasonable fears.

Most false accusations come from regretting a real sexual encounter. So long as you don't engage in sex, then there is no real risk of a false accusation. The meaning of life isn't sex, you can live a happy and fulfilled life with out it.

Thepaladinofchaos · 2015-08-06T03:40:40+00:00

I have no idea man, I'm 16 and I've essentially gotten rid of this fear by opting out of sexual relations or feelings. Just get good at recognizing crazy chick's.

kizzan · 2015-08-06T04:33:36+00:00

Dont be scared. The best way to not have problems is to not have sex with women before marriage. If you must do it, then dont do ot wjile in college and dont do it when she is drunk.

A false accusation will not land you jail time because the burden of proof is on the accuser.

Except in college. They can kick you out of college with a lower standard of proof.

pnw_diver · 2015-08-06T06:19:25+00:00

If you are 13, you need to talk to your parents about your fears. If you cannot do that, call 911 and tell the operator what is going on.

Title	Guys I'm scared
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	12
Date	August 6, 2015 3:27 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/3fyloz/guys_im_scared/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/guys-im-scared.973890 https://theredarchive.com/post/973890

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