Picture the scenario where you were in an ordinary marriage and the last one to know what was coming - in hindsight it may have been obvious. You try to talk to her to find out what was going on. She is not talking to you. You are hurting and grovelling, you just want to know what is wrong, and then suddenly she turns around and (vindictively and aggressively) says "I am not going to talk to you and what are you going to do about it!!?" In your emotional state, you are caught totally by surprise, a spear stabs through your heart and your body reacts instinctively to the pain by lashing out at her. What now? Is it fair if she now accuses you of domestic violence, it felt like self defence? You have never done anything like this before and are strongly against it. You spend the rest of your life despising yourself while she gets to keep the kids. Not a day goes by that you do not miss seeing your kids. You know you will be wasting your time applying for parenting order and are not financially in the position to engage in repeated legal battles. You even risk being labelled a wife basher. Once you are in this position she calls the shots. You get to see the kids every 3 weeks and for a period over the school holidays - a minimum amount of time that maximizes the amount of child support she can claim from you. She does not care about the kids seeing their dad more often, even though they love him. It's about getting the maximum money. Also, there are no default equal parenting laws and specific exception are made for reaching parenting agreements through mediation in cases of past history of violence. Checkmate.