Feel free to delete this if it violates rules or is the wrong sub.

I'm not sure how to start this discussion, so I'll share my experiences as a boy. I'm wondering how many other men share a similar story.

Growing up, I never called myself a feminist officially; I've always believed in equality of the genders across all things. However, I also believed that men were generally guilty of all the crimes we are accused of as a gender by feminism.

Being a gentle and loving child, I wanted to respect women, so I listened with all my heart and soul. I accepted that I was stupider, immature, sexually aggressive, prone to violence and lacked the depth of sensitivity that women possessed. I ensured I didn't look at girls for more than a few seconds, avoided eye contact and I didn't engage them in conversation. I learned to move through crowds without interrupting anyone's pace, moving out of the way and keeping quiet. Expressing desire? I'd have preferred death. The few times I did (after months or years of silence) I was met with scorn and ridicule. I wasn't allowed to live it down. This only made me keep my desires and willpower that much better hidden.

Needless to say my existence was lonely. No girls ever looked my way or spoke to me as an equal. Both genders rejected me, calling me names like gay, broken, weird or psychotic. I would hear the things feminists said about the nature and behavior of men, but could not relate to them personally. Girls would talk of what they wanted in men, yet their actions spoke otherwise. On paper I was what they said they wanted, and I was what disgusted them. They claimed to reject masculinity due to its toxicity, yet flocked to it.

I found myself in a space where I couldn't understand the behavior of either gender. Nothing made sense; the sense data I received back conflicted with the behavior that was considered respectful. There were no constants. I found myself at a complete loss and took complete blame, believing I was truly broken.

And now, in the present, I find myself struggling to tap into my healthy masculine power. I've since eliminated a lot of my bad habits, but at my very core I still feel...non-human? I identify as a male, and look the part of a very masculine man, but I don't possess overly male or female behavior. I'm somewhere in between. I've noticed that I don't attract men or women. My friends love me, like being around me, but when it comes to anything carnal, to that spark, that romantic attraction...nothing. The overwhelming majority of people are uninterested (and it's certainly not for a lack of trying.) The fucked up cherry on top? I'm traditionally attractive. Tall, dark, handsome and in shape. Looks are not the problem.

So what's my point in all this? It feels good to say out loud. It reinforces my uncompromising belief that men are integral to the development of children and these campaigns to guilt boys for a projected nature are incredibly harmful. In the end, it leaves the innocent paying the price for the outliers.