I'm a 28 year old single male, still living at home. It's suspected that I'm the father of a ~9 month old girl that was conceived in a one night stand. I'm mortified. What are my rights?

philiph · 2015-02-03T17:20:49+00:00

You need to consult a lawyer. If money is a problem there are many ways to get reduced cost or free legal advice. Start by calling your state bar association for a referral. Don't do anything until a lawyer explains your rights and responsibilities to you.

ibm2431 · 2015-02-03T22:38:24+00:00

but I can tell by looking at pictures of the girl that I'm the father. She's the spitting image

This myth needs to die. You can in absolutely no way with any sort of real certainty determine who a child's father is by looks. It's folklore with no substantial scientific backing.

What "looks similar" is subjective enough as-is, but people saying lines like "she has your X" don't seem to realize just how limited the human gene pool is. I know of thousands of people who have a nose that looks like mine. Hundreds of thousands that have similar eyes! If a kid has "your" green (or whatever) eyes, it doesn't mean she's your kid. It just means that her father has green eyes. Maybe. Or it could mean her real father's grandfather had green eyes. Genes are funny things. I've met couples of mixed heritage with a father browner than stained mahogany produce a snow-white kid. And I've met the reverse as well.

We probably shouldn't start on the evolutionary psychology aspect.

The only way you can tell if a child is yours is by a paternity test. The only way. Don't fall into the trap that so many men do of, "Oh, the baby looks like me, so it must be mine."

The only evidence that matters is a DNA test. All other indicators are as useful as an astrological reading.

JimmyTheIntern · 2015-02-03T19:06:06+00:00

My buddy had a little girl from a one night stand. She was obviously his daughter, had his curls and his eyes. He finally got a paternity test after a year when the trashy mother became intolerable, and lo, she wasn't his kid.

Get a paternity test, NOW!

philosarapter · 2015-02-03T20:14:44+00:00

There are no rights around 'termination of parental rights'.

If the paternity test comes back indicating you as the father, then your best move is to get on good terms with your baby's mama and hopefully you two can work out an arrangement without getting the courts involved.

Frittern · 2015-02-03T17:43:34+00:00

You need to figure out if you're the father ASAP..Then seek some legal advice. Don't think avoiding immediate support is good..The payments are often tied to income, sometimes retroactively so if you have a decent job in 5 years you may have to pay back payment based on that income and not your current unemployed state..

RunawayGrain · 2015-02-03T20:30:18+00:00

1.) Lawyer up. 2.) DNA

Armiel · 2015-02-03T21:51:40+00:00

Here's my advice but IANAL so take it for what it's worth:

Don't sign or agree to anything that says you're the father.
If her or the government come after your for child support, get a lawyer and demand a paternity test.
If you are the father, then you're SOL. Hopefully, your lawyer can get a fair child support amount that doesn't leave you homeless.
Unlike some others here, I do not recommend fleeing the country. Especially if you ever want to re-enter the country again without immediately being arrested.

SporkTornado · 2015-02-03T17:18:01+00:00

Sorry to break it to you. The sad fact is that you have no rights in this situation. You cannot terminate your parental obligations for child support. You can only hope that she does not come after you for child support. If she ever tries to get any form of government support to help raise the baby, the government will come after you for child support on her behalf. So even if she never comes after you for child support, the government might come after you. The only thing you can do is stay on the mother's good side and help out as much as you can, and pray she never decides to take you to the cleaners for everything you've got.

EyeRedditDaily · 2015-02-03T19:07:50+00:00

I don't think you can be required to take a paternity test. The whole "your body, your choice" thing. The problem is, you may have to take one to prove that you aren't the father or the courts will just presume that you are.

g000dn · 2015-02-03T20:58:50+00:00

You have the right to:

pay child support,
go to prison if you don't pay it or piss off the judge,
See your kid 13% of the time but only if you go broke hiring a lawyer and take her to court.

You also have the right to a DNA test to make sure it's your child.

Dont pay her a dime until you know its yours and the judge signs a court order.

2015-02-03T21:05:09+00:00

Don't assume she's your daughter

ASSUMPTION IS THE MOTHER OF ALL FUCK UPS (and not wearing a condom is their father).

jimmywiddle · 2015-02-03T21:10:42+00:00

Run !!

philiph · 2015-02-03T23:42:03+00:00

Man, the amount of vitriol in the comments here is depressing. OP, your life isn't going to end, but it could be changing a lot. I still stick with my advice to go see a lawyer asap before you do anything at all (including talking to anyone about your situation).

But hey, this could be a chance for you to develop a relationship with your child. I realize that everything might be totally fucked up, but I want to encourage you to look at this as a potentially positive thing.

I could be pretty bitter too. I'm currently being 'divorce-raped' by a mentally ill drug abuser that I should never have married. But you know what? I've got two great kids and so far I've been able to keep full custody of them. My life has changed a hell of a lot and there's been an incredible amount of legal bullshit but I tuck my two boys in every night and sing them lullabies and they run up yelling my name and hug me every night when I come home from work.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that you should think pretty hard about how this might indeed be your kid and if you are forced to pay child support or whatever there could be a positive outcome - a wonderful relationship with a tiny human being that came out of your balls.

notnotnotfred · 2015-02-03T23:44:19+00:00

You're in this until you can prove you're not the father.

You don't have the right to terminate your financial obligation as a father.

SCROTAL-SACK · 2015-02-03T19:17:01+00:00

Disappear. Now.

kizzan · 2015-02-03T17:11:16+00:00

I am sorry to hear your situation. I am also sorry that I cannot give you any legal advice as I have never been in that situation. If it were me, I would change my number and email address. I would post on facebook that I am moving to California (disinformation), then a week later delete my facebook account and then move to somewhere that is not California. Then I would take cash only jobs where they don't take your social secirity number.

If she cannot serve you then she cannot demand child support.

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