Allow me to introduce the progressive movement called "Faminism" - which aims to solve the issue of famine world wide. If you wish to end starving, then you're a "faminist". Period. Why? Because faminists say so. Duh!

Lately there has been a ridiculous "movement" looming up that, under the guise of wanting to end starvation in Somalia, demands food aid be sent and distributed there. Those are crazy and dangerous "weightists" who really just hate fat people.

There is no need for any organized initiative to prevent children from starving in Somalia because faminism already deals with food issues and that includes everyone. If you don't believe it, then just look at some of the many resources available for Somalians:

  • The Good Somalians Project - a place where help Somalians learn to send more food to western citizens so they don't have to pay so much for their food. Life can be incredibly tough for us you know.

  • Jizebel - where food abundant western citizens can share the many issues that come with their suffering and some of the tough choices we have to make. There's a lot that starving Somalians can learn from paying some attention to those issues. It could teach you Somalians some much needed respect.

  • The Muffinton Post - where you Somalians can learn to aid us in the celebration of food and abundance and see how awesome we are.

So be thankful I was so patient to explain this all to you. If you think you're hungry, then quit whining and do what we did - and go and get takeaway. It's not rocket science. Any Somalian who still thinks they have a rough deal, is just bitter because he didn't get enough contaminated water. It just proves how much better westerners are at finding food and why Somalians should defer to our expertise. It's our turn to eat for a change. Deal with it.