~ archived since 2018 ~

My queen

alphagigachadsigma

December 5, 2022

648 upvotes

/r/AntiFeminists

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Post Information

Title	My queen
Author	alphagigachadsigma
Upvotes	648
Comments	143
Date	December 5, 2022 7:07 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/AntiFeminists
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/antifeminists/comments/zczw91/my_queen/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/AntiFeminists/my-queen.1142858 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142858

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[–]armywife81 30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

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[–]armywife81 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I hear you. Your experience with your mom is pretty much verbatim my experience with my nonna. She was terrible to my nonno (I never met him; he died of a massive heart attack at age 50, the year before I was born. No freaking wonder), and she would fly into rages whenever he did anything even slightly wrong. She would go so far as to chase him around the house with a kitchen knife😳 She was abusive and highly critical to her children, especially my mom, who was the oldest. She drove away literally everyone in the family except my uncle, whom we are all convinced has ptsd/Stockholm syndrome. (Also, as we are Italian American, there’s the heavy “mama’s boy” influence at play as well). I had to go NC with my nonna after years of verbal abuse towards me, lying, gaslighting, and criticizing my mother. She died last summer, and even at her dying breath she was telling my uncle how horrible her family turned out to be, and she couldn’t believe that at the end of her life everyone “abandoned her.” 🙄 Zero self reflection. It was always everyone else’s fault that she was alone.

Sorry, didn’t mean to write a novel! I’m very glad that you found a good woman and you’re living your best life. Wishing you both all the best!

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It did not insinuate that at all. Absolutely not. I have made that clear thousands of times. Op is victim blaming. Your partner of either gender calling you out for being crappy towards them does not mean they are mentally unwell. And even if they were, chances are their partner drove them to that point. Mentally unstable people seek the kind of environments they were raised in. Those are often abusive. They gravitate towards abusive people. Calling people who are unstable unable to be abused (ironic) is absolutely not ok, nor logical. The post literally blames people that speak up. I don' blame people for doing that, regardless of gender. I never blamed men as whole, i think you are just a little biased right now. I only used gender neutral nouns when speaking of these issues. Again, i will repeat myself, anyone of any gender can be abused, and i never implied otherwise. I was just citing the post. If you treat your partner bad, regardless of gender, they will react. Calling them crazy when they speak up about it is disgusting, regardless of your gender or your partner's gender.

Regardless, i am sorry to hear about your awful experience. I am glad you got out of that toxic environment and I wish you nothing but the best. You are right, there is nothing you could have done. The best thing you could have done was leaving, and leaving often takes a lot of courage. Congrats!

[–]ProbablyStillAwake7 points 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–][deleted]2 points 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

The mental gymnastics and hoops you had to jump through to get to this conclusion are pretty impressive, i have to say.

Why didn't op use non gendered terms? Start there.

Accusing someone of mistreatment is not abuse jfc. Calling them crazy over it is the very definition of gaslighting though.

REGARDLESS OF GENDER

Someone who has 12 exes that were crazy, and someone who is always blaming them must somehow also carry some of the guilt. People WILL bring their partners to the breaking point and then them crazy when questioned about it. It's a tactic as old as time. If someone calls their partner out, and their response is calling them crazy, i will believe their calling out. I refuse to believe anyone who calls their partner crazy unless they actually did something borderline insane(mess with birthcontrol/lie about being on birth control, kidnapped someone, used emotional blackmail, stalked someone obsessively, raped pets/kids, murdered someone, you get the idea). Someone calling you out is not crazy behavior.

This is not about women. It's about what happens in general and what is closer to the truth. Having a shitty ex is way more likely than someone having 12 borderline crazy exes. Also, usually the people who call out their partners on their behaviour, without just calling them insane, bring arguments and anecdotes up. Your comparation is grossly unnefective and blown out of proportion. It's like comparing liking a bikini pic on instagram to fucking your wife's blood related sister.

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