A low point.

thrownoutta · 2019-11-05T20:34:18+00:00

You’ve admitted guilt which is more than some can say/do. No one is perfect, but working on yourself should be your number one priority. I was living in a rough part of west Detroit for a year before I realized I needed to become a better person and change lots of things. I did just that and I found a much better job, own a condo, and while I’m still single (single dad life isn’t easy in the dating world), I know my time will come because I’m putting my best self out there.

Your time will come, too. It’s never too late to be a better person.

4agreements · 2019-11-05T20:15:07+00:00

It’s a tough road. No getting around it. All you can do is move forward. Start the legal process so that you can see where you’ll land financially. Take each kid out individually and explain your actions to them. Tell them why you did what you did, your mistakes and tell them, when they feel the time is right, that you want a relationship. Plan a ball game or concert to go to them with. Never disparage their mother. They are old enough to see you as a human, with faults, but enough respect to own your mistakes. Just breathe, get up and go to work and know, it’s all a journey, you will get through it.

ausdfw · 2019-11-05T23:47:02+00:00

It's difficult ending something, even if it wasnt healthy. Try to find a group meet or schedule yourself on outings twice a week. Join a church, even if it's just for social needs. I love how ppl judge about affairs- and at the end of the day, it is what it is. Forgive yourself, and move on. And also stop paying the bills bc of guilt. That's ridiculous.

bryzdogg · 2019-11-06T02:41:29+00:00

Can I offer some shit to you? Start playing guitar to pass some time. Time heals all wounds. Use guitar and music to get through this. And don’t please god don’t see other women right now or at least DO NOT introduce them to your kids.

500dollarsinprizes · 2019-11-06T11:08:56+00:00

Those are tough hours to bear all alone, in the company of your biggest fears, shame, and guilt. You’ve never been weaker than at this moment when you needed yourself to be the strongest.

In more ways than one, strength comes from forgiveness, and forgiveness comes at the end of a long process. This forgiveness, is ultimately for you, meaning even if you forgive someone else for their wrongs, it’s to your benefit to release the burden of carrying around that pain.

I truly hope you dont go through this terrible time alone. You can survive a long recovery, but you may not survive one alone.

As for how you got here, be kind to yourself. The relationship was dead long before you acted like it was.

SkeptiCynical · 2019-11-07T15:27:59+00:00

Stop paying her bills. Stop feeling guilty. Do ONLY what you're required to do as ordered by a judge. Guilt is the first step to you letting yourself lose every battle in advance. Do not pay her bills. This is the typical giving an inch / she takes a mile situation. Eventually she'll want and expect more. At 17, your son is old enough to come around on his own. And don't extend yourself to pay for things for the kids if she has full custody. That's what child support bought her: your absence from the kids' lives.

Plenty of marriages involve affairs and plenty of them recover. Your and your wife had 100% responsibility to make it work. She's 100% at fault and you are 100% at fault. Let that sink in; if either party is only giving 50% in a marriage, it's not 100%. It's still 50%.

I can't tell your country/city but it doesn't sound like the US. Pretty much all of our divorces are no-fault, so infidelity doesn't factor in. Don't give up on yourself, reframe your situation in whatever way makes sense to help you move on. It's as much her fault as yours.

timkennedy777 · 2019-11-05T20:54:14+00:00

All I can say is to not be so hard on yourself. Loveless marriage for 15 years is too much for anyone.

They expected you to be a saint. I spoke w my Father years after the divorce and understood why he did what he did.

soyunamariposa · 2019-11-05T23:56:12+00:00

It’s hard to own your own mistakes when you found yourself there because you weren’t brave enough to walk away way back when, when you had the moral high ground. When you instead stay and then act out later, you can find yourself justifying your own misbehavior and then when it blows up in your face, you’ll think you deserve it but at the same time you think you’re owed some sympathy. It’s an uncomfortable place to be. And people will have a hard time offering you sympathy.

I have no advice or words of wisdom for you. I just sensed something real in your post and wanted you to know that you’ve been heard.

RavingTyke · 2019-11-05T20:03:17+00:00

"A big part of me feels like I deserve this, another part of me feels sorry for myself."

This says it all

Title	A low point.
Author	RavingTyke
Upvotes	24
Comments	20
Date	November 5, 2019 7:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ds4dq3/a_low_point/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/a-low-point.819057 https://theredarchive.com/post/819057

Comments