Hey guys, I hope everyone here is doing alright today, if not, then that's alright too. I'm here to ask or see if you all know/think I'm doing the right thing with going through a divorce. I'm not going to write out everything, I'll just write out what's been done to get me here

In my relationship, engagement, and ultimately marriage, there have been arguments, misunderstandings, and miscommunication. I'm terrible with explaining my side of things, as well as expressing my emotions, thoughts, and feelings. I'd still try though, or if I couldn't figure out how to say what it is I wanted to say, I'd say I'm alright so I can have time to put everything in my perspective and make it come out the best way as possible to try and explain myself.

Over time, each heated argument would end with her breaking me down, telling me if I don't change this or that, we'd be done. She would be mentally and/or emotionally abusive towards me. Every time I'd be left feeling hurt, not good enough, worthless, depressed and have thoughts of self harm and would start to act on them. Each time it would be harder for me to show or express my love to/for her. I'd build up a wall bit by bit so I wouldn't be hurt again. I'd do all I can to change ways to make her happy, or so I wouldn't make her feel uncomfortable or any bad way.

We both have mental health issues, and different boundaries. It was easy for me to handle and work with hers. She has never even budged to do the same for mine. Instead I'd be told to go get help, fix it, or change it. I've been in and out of therapy majority of my life for reasons I don't want to share. I've come to know most of my issues and how to handle them. She would act like she listened to me, but it would be forgotten about in an hour and back to feeling worthless, broken, hurting. No matter how ridiculous her demands were, whether it was to not have any female friends that either she didn't know, wasn't a relative, or didn't have her added as a friend. But it was okay for her to have all of these guy friends, who I didn't know. She'd get a picture of a guy taking a picture of himself shirtless saying how do you like my hair-cut.

She would give her attention, time, and care to other guys, instead of to the person she married. I would be ignored so she could talk to her abusive instead of her ignoring him. Then in the last couple months before I said I want a divorce. Magically she gets two new "friends" that I don't know, that she starts talking about one in particular. She starts hanging out with them more. I'd be offered to hang out at the very last moment. (Think we all know that being asked last moment means they don't want you to come) I'd try and plan things with her. We'd do something like go fish, eat or whatever, then she'd turn around and go hang out with this guy and his friend.

Then she told me one night after we got back from the casino and eating, "Hey, I don't want you to think him and are fucking around, especially because you know, it's that time of the month." So that night I started packing my shit up in boxes to go take to my brothers. After being told they're going to see fireworks, around 3-330am she gets back and see's me putting the last couple boxes and things from the garage that was mine into my truck. Next day she says I did that out of jealousy. I told her that it seemed pretty easy for her to get me replaced. All she says is we're just friends, he knows I'm still married, and more bullshit. Didn't deny it, didn't agree with it either.

I'm sorry a lot of this is jumbled up, and if it doesn't make sense I apologize for that too. The last part happened 3 weeks ago, and I'm still in a deep depression majority of the time. But as my title said, am I doing the right thing wanting this divorce?