Chronic Lecturing

i_need_a_username201 · 2019-11-27T12:06:37+00:00

Sure did. I had to call the police on her because she wouldn't let me leave. She said I wasn't leaving until we talked. Us talking means her yelling and me not saying anything. Fuck that noise. Remember, peace does not equal happiness and you get fo be happy too.

KneeDeepThought · 2019-11-27T12:26:00+00:00

Couple things likely going on: she's projecting her own insecurites onto you and basically yelling out her own shortcomings, and women complaining and nagging is a defense mechanism. We're hard-wired to seek female approval, as children to survive and as adult men to secure procreation. Women therefore withhold their approval artificially to extract resources and protection for themselves which also increases their social standing.

Add all this up and women have every reason to constantly put pain in your ears. But it also means nothing you do will be enough as she has to keep moving the goalposts of approval to keep you on the treadmill.

once you realize that it's easier to put boundaries around this toxic behavior as there's literally no winning for you.

also remember that to be able to care for those who depend on you, you need to be good to yourself first to a certain extent. You're well within your rights to demand not being abused under your own roof. And make no mistake this is abuse.

SpearCatcher1 · 2019-11-29T02:50:06+00:00

Yes, and then one of the things she would accuse ME of was controlling behaviors!! (Irony is dead.) I was somewhat aware that it was wrong, but not the depth of it until the judge ordered her out of the house, and my son and I each discovered what a weight was lifted. Its such a constant source of dread and disruption: even during the rare pauses of fault finding and self justification was just the tension of waiting for the next torrent to begin.

I'm glad I waited until the boys were grown, but its not something I would accept forever. Gained part of my soul back when she had to leave.

And who knows, maybe one out of every so many criticisms did have a germ of truth (and I'd start to blame myself), that still isn't the right way to go about it.

ExistingInsect · 2019-12-22T15:37:08+00:00

Depends. Do you nag also without realizing. Does your partner say things and you take it very personally coz yiu dont take nagging well. Do you possibly point things out to her and she doesn't respond the way you do?.. have you given her reasons to nag, criticize? You gotta look at yourself sometimes and see if your actually giving reason for it. Even if it's not obvious to you ppl have instincts to something going on and react to them. For example if your done and that person isn't aware of how you have been feeling, your actions are probably causing confusion and insecurities that is causing a constant negative response from your partner... takes 2 man

TheInsulator · 2019-11-27T13:37:45+00:00

I don’t miss those walking on egg shell days

Uzzer_lozer19 · 2019-11-27T10:47:04+00:00

That could fall under psychological abuse also if it stops you going to see friends or family then that is also abuse.

LandOnMyFeet · 2019-11-27T23:38:22+00:00

I’m over a parent child dynamic. I believe hard boundaries should be set when a man or woman doesn’t respect you.

kairla8 · 2019-11-29T02:20:44+00:00

What pain did you cause?

LandOnMyFeet · 2019-11-27T15:55:01+00:00

Let me put it this way: when I couldn't get through to him, I wrote my thoughts and feelings down and printed it all for him to at least read how I felt since he would never ever stop following me around the house and preaching on every subject in the universe. What he did was, he pulled a red pen out of his drawer and started crossing my logical mistakes and falacies (?), and writing the correct sentences over mine.

TerdBrgler · 2019-11-27T16:43:43+00:00

Uh I thought all women do this, loving or not? It’s how they are? Never happy never content regardless of any other factors. It’s something you tolerate or do not.

2019-11-27T16:46:10+00:00

Mine likes to talk about how wonderful I am and then tears me down within the next 24 hours. I told her I didn't know what to believe. She started to explain it away and my ears just kind of turned off on their own.

FYI - That and a load of other issues brought me to a place where I chose to do something stupid instead of outright saying I was done. Got busted on having an affair. Just wanted to be above board.

Title	Chronic Lecturing
Author	LandOnMyFeet
Upvotes	13
Comments	20
Date	November 27, 2019 10:40 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/e2ecsc/chronic_lecturing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/chronic-lecturing.1202449 https://theredarchive.com/post/1202449

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