I am STILL devastated! My wife of 11 1/2 years has left and I am trying to pick up the pieces.

​

My wife left me at the beginning of September and I am still struggling to accept it and move on. I spend every night crying myself to sleep and spend most every commute home crying because I am going to an empty house. I am on three different anti-depressants and in counseling once every 10 days or so. What do I have to do to move of?

The history of our marriage? Well we have had our problems, to say the least. But I consider my love for her to be unconditional to this day. She has treated me like dirt the last three months and yet I still love her. We meet in college and were married in March of 2007. The first 5 years or so of our marriage were great! We bought our first home in 2009 and graduated college in 2012. I landed an excellent job out of college and we decided to start a family in 2013. Best years of my life. Our baby boy was born in 2013 and we couldn't have been happier. My son was breast feed, so our baby slept in the same room as us. At first our baby was in a co-sleeper, for his safety, and our peace of mind. Then my wife started getting more and more relaxed about sleeping with our baby in the our bed. I complained over and over that it isn't safe, but eventually gave up and stopped complaining. At about 18 months old our baby had a 45 minute seizure, while I was at work. My wife called me frantic and I instructed her to call 911. Our son was life flighted to the nearest children's hospital, where they got his seizure under control on the helicopter. So, I beat the helicopter to the hospital and I could only believe it was only because they lost him during flight. Thankfully, it was a communications issue and our son touched down and the doctors went to work. Seeing your baby in that state is a traumatic experience. We spent two days in the hospital and the doctors came in and said they could find nothing wrong with him, so we go home. Our son has had 2-3 seizures since then, again a traumatic experience for both parents and child. He is well to this day without any more issues!

Fast forward to 2015, our son sleeping in our bed the whole time. Intimate relations with my wife are rare, not because she didn't want to but, because I was not comfortable having intimate relations with our son in the bedroom. I told her on multiple occasions I was not comfortable with it.

This is were I blame myself for the marriage's demise. I went to a massage parlor and one thing lead to another and I was unfaithful to my wife. This happened twice. Feeled with guilt and shame I confessed to my wife and told her I understand if she need to leave. To this day I beat myself up over this, first I was unfaithful and second I was so overwhelmed with guilt I confessed to my wife and put it on her shoulders. I really don't know what I was thinking, but I continued to get massages without being unfaithful. Now I look back and she probably thought I was being unfaithful all the time. My heart is broken for the pain that I caused her. She found it in her heart to forgive me and I continued to go into temptation.

A couple of years go by, where I thought we were still a happy family. Going on vacations, buying nice things, new cars, ect. We then put up our house for sale because we were going to buy our dream home. So we did, in 2017 we got more than 20% of what we paid for the house and found our dream home. We went from living in a 1100 square feet house to a house over 3000 square feet. It was our forever home. Shortly after we moved into our dream home, my wife starts bring a friend from work around the house. I thought it was okay, just trying to make friends and that was good. Her friend soon to be married seemed like a nice women. Then a month or two after having this girl around my wife comes to me and confesses to me that she had an affair with this women and that she was sorry. If you will remember, my love for her is unconditional, so I forgave her much as she forgave me in 2015. Oh did I mention that 2 weeks after we moved into this house we decided to add to our family. Our little girl was born March 2018 and again I could have been happier. Notice my statement 'I'. As it turns out my wife says she hasn't been happy since 2015 and that she considered herself to be gay now.

I knew things were not perfect between us, but I never thought it was anything that couldn't have been worked out. So, unexpectedly my wife leaves me and moves in with another of her friends. Her friend have since, convinced her that I was emotionally abusive and that she shouldn't be treated that way I treated her. I will admit I do have an anger management issue, but I have never called my wife a foul name, never hurt her physically. As I said, she has treated me like dirt ever since.

So that's my story. I am ashamed and I blame myself for the demise of our marriage. I have two beautiful kids which I share 50/50 custody. My son longs for his mother and father to be together again in the same house, but she dismisses it and says "he never tells me that." No what she considers to be irreconcilable differences, we have a temporary order in place in family court. We are set to be divorced at the end of this month and I couldn't be more devastated. Please offer words of wisdom. I want to get over her, but I just can't move on.

​

Yours Truly,

​

Devastated Dad