Hey guys,

Currently still married (emotionally separated for years now) and using mediation to try to reach an agreement for split of assets and financial support. We are generally friendly (forced) and are trying to be fair about it all (not forced), and trying to keep our 3 children's health in mind as we separate and finalize a divorce.

Been a stay-at-home Dad for almost 20 years, so no income or credit (changing that ASAP). She has had an arrangement with her job so that she has been working from home for most of the kids life. Seemed great at first...

I am working toward keeping our family home, while she keeps an apartment building we have had for the last 8 years. I don't want to gouge her and abuse any part of the process, not because of any feelings I have for her, but out of respect for my children's mother. I have consulted a lawyer and have found what I think is a good compromise on financial support for me that will take care of me as I try to get back into the workforce.

Apologies if this gets too long...we have had boundary issues for a very long time. As the primary parent, I tried to set what I thought were healthy boundaries for my children, myself , and us as a couple, and she essentially torpedoed any boundary I tried to establish as the main parent in the house. Many times, we agreed on a course of action for the children, I would carry through but she would then give in to the kids "throwing me under the bus". So I became the grumpy Dad saying "No", and she became the awesome Mom who would give them anything they wanted...this happened A LOT. I could write (a bigger) wall of text about this, but I gathered up a lot of anger and resentment as the children got older (all teens now), and basically physically/mentally detached from her during COVID. I am not innocent in the failure of our marriage, but wanted to give a little context.

I am eager and need to move on from this relationship. She will always be their mother and so I will be respectful in the future, but boundary issues keep happening. She has tried to control the split of assets and suggested minimal support for minimal amount of time. Suggesting she stay on as primary mortgage owner and continue to pay that for me as part of the support agreement. Talking to a lawyer helped me settle that in a satisfactory manner.

Now she is saying she wants to BUY A HOUSE 2 BLOCKS AWAY, so it will be an easier transition for the children. She is saying we would still have Christmases together and birthdays and whatnot. (I feel like this is still control on her part...)

I DO NOT want her living, effectively, in my backyard and seeing her every time I walk the dogs...I feel like the children also might NOT benefit from this, because we're all going to need time (and SPACE) to heal. I'm not sure if it is healthy if the children can go back and forth anytime between houses anytime they want...

Most importantly, aside from required interactions with the children, with I am perfectly fine with, I do not want her in my life! We are close to having a formal separation agreement in place but it is not there yet, so she can not get another mortgage at the moment. I can't stop her from doing this legally, but am I an asshole if I delay getting the separation agreement so she can't put an offer in on that house?!?

I am so sorry for the wall of text but I have no one to talk to about this and am very frustrated. Thanks for reading this far! Any comments or suggestions will be appreciated.