There are two songs that really wrecked me at the beginning of the separation…. one is a Christian song and the other is a secular song.

I keep telling myself that the limit for knowing whether or not I’m getting better is to be able to make it through this without crying.

I listen to one of them last week and listen to the other one while I was mowing grass today.

I failed both times.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how I was just so emotionally devastated, just having my guts raked over the coals…..and there be NOTHING on her end. It just proves she never loved me. A truth I needed to see. But I’ll be damned if it doesn’t hurt like fuck. I think I’m better than before. But I just sometimes get this way again.