Backstory: Marriage was on the rocks for some time. OH met a guy, started an affair with him. I found out and confronted her, she gaslighted me, admitting nothing, then ended the marriage in the same conversation. My conclusion was the affair and my finding out gave her the impetus and courage to call it. We agreed she would move out and I am in the marital home living with our adult two kids, pending sale of the home, final divorce and sharing of finances. Both kids are of adult age.

She knows that I know what went on, but doesn't know how much I know, and has never "gone there". Its an unspoken matter and its very clear she isn't going to offer up any sort of conversation about it. And at this point I don't see what that would achieve. She is clearly now full-on dating this other person. Our contact now is adult, reasonable and business-like and purely about practical matters like the divorce or the kids. I ask her nothing about her new life and vice versa. On the one hand, good for her, on the other, I would be lying if I said I didn't harbour some resentment because of the circumstances. Whilst I've come to terms with the end of the marriage itself, the circumstances in which it happened were not ideal for me. There's remaining trauma that I'm having to deal with. It's difficult, and my general mood probably reflects this still. I try my best not to show it in front of the kids, but I'm not perfect.

This all happened 4 months ago. I found out today that both of our kids have been introduced to this guy. I feel like she's put our kids in an awkward situation. There has been no discussion with me about any of this, and they weren't given instructions to either tell me or not tell me. I asked our eldest if he knew about mom's "new life" and he told me, yes, they'd met him. He told me he felt bad for me, and sort of "piggy in the middle" and didn't really know what to say or do in my direction. I reassured him that I knew about the other guy, without going into the details. I'm not going to throw mom under the bus or speak badly of her to our kids. I told him I wasn't asking him for information or confirmation, but just wondered if he knew what was going on. I had a feeling they knew. They aren't aware as far as I know about how she met him and that she cheated, but they aren't stupid and maybe they've worked that out. I just don't know and of course I'm not going to tell them about mom's infidelity.

Its complicated, because I know about him. She knows that I know, but hasn't acknowledged or confirmed his existence to me, and it sounds like the kids didn't know that I knew about him.

My question is should I be angry about this and raise it with my OH? I don't really mind that they know, I'm annoyed that I wasn't told that they now know. Her having that conversation with me, would mean some sort of admittance of what she did, which is something she has not wanted to do up to this point. The kids are both adults and can "handle" the situation I'm sure, but there was no discussion between the two of us that this was going to be made general knowledge. I've had to park a lot of stuff mentally already, otherwise I'd go crazy, and wonder if this is something I need to do the same with and just let it go?