Curious about other people's experiences and figured this might help other guys feeling helpless post split.

I was a few months into my separation, (marriage broke down long before that), and I was absolutely down and out both emotionally and physically. Didn't want to leave the house, didn't want to talk to anyone, eat properly, work. Just nothing. Couldn't see a way forward. Hated the world. I was a mess and everyone was worried about me and my state of mind.

The phone rang, it was my buddy inviting me to a 4th July dinner party he and his wife were hosting that weekend. Of course I said no. There was no way I was in any mood to socialise or make small talk with strangers or friends. I was adamant I would not be going. He hands the phone to his wife who gave me a good talking to, insisted I came, telling me there was a place at the table for me and that I'd better not let her down. She said I might even enjoy myself. I was not convinced I would. At all.

After what seemed like a 10 minute verbal pummelling from buddy's wife, I very very reluctantly agreed I would show up, and immediately regretted it when I hung up. What the hell was I thinking....

So the weekend comes around, and I arrive, and sure enough I get the impression that its all couples. Great. What am I doing here? I just wanted to run back home to my bed. I push through and make small talk with a few couples. After a while we all sit for dinner, and looking around, sure enough, its man/woman/man/woman around the table. The woman sitting to my right introduces herself to me and tells me she feels awkward as she thinks she must be the only single person here. She asks if the woman sitting to my left is my partner, and I reply no, I'm here alone.

There is a moment of silence as we look at each other. Then the realisation hit.

Like a scene out of When Harry Met Sally, we both turn our heads slowly in sync, across the table at our hosts, my buddy and his wife, who are sitting there, big smiles on their faces, both raising a glass in our direction.

Fuckers. Both of them.

One we were over the embarrassment of being set up, we got on like a house on fire, talking, laughing, chatting, sharing our respective breakup war stories, we barely acknowledged anyone else during the whole night. At some point during the evening I excused myself to the bathroom. I'm washing my hands and look up at the mirror and realise, there is life after a breakup. I'm going to be just fine. I'm not ugly. I'm not the vile person my STBXW tells me I am. I can still be engaging and charming (well I thought so anyway), and my future doesn't have to be alone or sitting at home alone, doom scrolling on dating apps. And would you believe it, there are people of the opposite sex out there who have their own story and might be in the same boat; and importantly, even at my age, they aren't all crazy, fucked up, emotionally screwed men-haters, and I've still got the chops to talk to women. The old me was back. She was absolutely lovely, and having been through a recent divorce herself, was kind and understanding of some of what I was going through.

It was a pivotal moment, and almost instantly changed my demeanour and mindset. I should point out that I was mindful of what I was going through at that moment, and checked myself that I wasn't being putty in someone's hands, given my situation. No it wasn't a magic pill that instantly removed the shit I was/am still going through. But my point is it gave me a glimpse of what my future could look like.

So that was my "moment". It was a revelation and up until then, I just couldn't see through the fog of where I was. So hang in there my dudes, it DOES get better and that moment can often come when you least expect it.

Footnote, as I'm sure someone will ask. No I didn't get her number that night. Yes I wished I had and was kinda kicking myself after. But buddy's wife called a few days later and asked if she could pass my number on, as said lady asked her to ask. We've met a few times since. She's local. More settled than me as her split was a few years back. Great to have some female company once in a while. She is mindful that I'm still going through some turmoil as the practicalities of my marriage unwind through the process of divorce, and this keeps us both in check. I am so grateful that she is sensible and cautious of where we both are, as I am by nature and don't need the drama right now. We are mindful and respectful of each others boundaries and situations and we check in with each other and talk that stuff through. Its cool. We're not officially a couple, but I like where its going. :)