I was at the mall today, browsing suits in the department store. Who should be there, but my ex wife, with her affair partner (still her partner) looking at jackets. This affair led to the end of our marriage some two years ago. I have never met or seen him in person until today.

For context, she and I and I are cool, civil, and we communicate when necessary about our grown up kids. I have no desire to be best friends and she isn't on my Xmas card list. Whilst what she did hurt me like nothing else ever has, I got through the divorce successfully and relatively unscathed financially, and I've tried to be the bigger man throughout for the sake of our kids and my own sanity. Let's just say I had to chow down on a lot of shit with zero closure, apology or acknowledgement from her. We talk occasionally, mostly via text, when we need to, and usually wish each other well at the end of communicating. So I think its at good as it could be given where we were at the end of our marriage.

We spotted each other. I was in the checkout queue to pay, queuing for a good 5 minutes, and we were far enough away from each other not to make a point of saying hello. She didn't approach me and we didn't acknowledge each other. But it felt awkward because of his presence. I got a glimpse of him from a distance. I'm sure her and I would have said hello and chatted if he wasn't there. I paid up, and left the store by the nearest exit, relieving the situation for myself and in my mind, for them also. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't uncomfortable.

She messaged some time later, suggesting it shouldn't be awkward, and that I should have come over and said hello and Mr new guy would be "more than happy to shake my hand". Although this was a random encounter, there is no doubt at some point in the future, we will all be at some family event because of our kids. In short she also said that we should all just accept the situation and clearly we've all moved on (which is true, I have now moved on). She also said she would be be very happy to meet my new partner. The kids have clearly been talking! But I'm not at all bothered that she knows. I have zero desire to make a point of introducing her to my new partner.

But am I alone in thinking WTF here? I'm sure he would be happy to shake my hand, and I'm sure my ex wants everyone to be friends, but my perspective on what went down is clearly going to be different to her perspective and I'm amazed she doesn't see that. (Or actually, Jesus, now I think about it, maybe I shouldn't be amazed).

I haven't replied, but its playing on my mind.

I dunno. I'm ranting a bit, or maybe looking for validation that I'm not being a dick. I really don't want her or him to occupy space in my head, so replying to her along the lines of "I don't really want to make pleasantries with the guy who was fucking my wife for several months" feels like I'm directing anger her way? At this point, I don't think getting angry is a good idea. It feels like sounding off would only really serve me badly rather than exacting revenge of some sort on her, by making a point about why I don't want to meet Mr new guy. It feels like point scoring and dragging up the past. The reality is she never acknowledged what she did and I gave up on trying to get something out of her a long time ago. I worked hard to get over the pain by myself, not be bothered by "him" and have got to a good place with it all so this has knocked me a bit.

My instinct is not to reply. But on the other hand this will come up again, either in person or conversation. So I need to be prepared. What do I do if I'm face to face next time and he extends his hand? I know what I'd like to do of course, but I'm not that guy.

Like I say, she and I are cool, and I don't want to upset that situation by slapping her kind offer away, because I've worked so hard to get to where I am, and where we are. But equally I don't want to be a simp.

How have you guys dealt with similar situations?

Thanks for listening.