How did you do it?

nhoyt83 · 2019-02-25T08:19:00+00:00

Divorce destroys. Especially men. Everything is set up to get the man. The courts ignore horrible attrocities by the woman and jump all over unfounded undocumented accusations of the women Divorced women take the civil Rights movement back centuries and courts allow it.

drspin2 · 2019-02-25T16:14:59+00:00

I'm betting that someone who gives you an ultimatum to propose isn't going to be sad. They're most likely going to be mad and blame you. Luckily this will only validate your unhappy feelings and you're going to feel great about doing it once she leaves the room. I did it 6 months ago and while I'm not against marriage, I'm definitely for divorce. Good luck!

BobQuasit · 2019-02-26T03:58:33+00:00

I thought that I was the only one who was given an ultimatum!

I can't say I broke the news. It's more like our lives fell apart.

scherecwich · 2019-02-25T06:14:37+00:00

It’s...really hard. Sometimes you have to hurt the ones you care about. Think of it like doing an operation on a battlefield. There’s bombs and war going on all over the place, and you’ve been wounded.

The only way out is to perform surgery without anesthetic on both you and someone you’ve been at war with. It’s going to hurt, a lot, for you both.....but once the operation is done, you can both leave the battlefield and the war behind you.

I can’t promise there isn’t other battles and other wars out there. I can’t promise sunshine and roses. All I can promise is that this particular battle will end, and you’ll be able to stand stronger for the next one.

JasonToo · 2019-02-25T10:54:31+00:00

You’re not focusing on yourself, which should be A #1 top priority.

You say she, essentially, forced you to propose. So, it’s obvious that it wasn’t what you had in mind. Maybe it was pregnancy....who knows?

Point is, you haven’t been your version of “happy” in a long time. Concentrate on getting back to that.

Robbnva · 2019-02-25T17:36:45+00:00

Has anyone just left a note and not face to face?

dead_cell · 2019-02-26T02:15:35+00:00

I did it over the phone, but my circumstances were vastly different, as she was the one who cheated and we weren't living together anymore.

Despite what my ex did, I still gave her the opportunity at least to explain herself. When she chose to dance around the truth, I laid it all out there for her, that I wanted nothing else from her but to sign the papers.

Your situation is different, as it seems there's no explosion, but rather a decay of a relationship. It's important to recognize your own responsibility here though, as it kinda sounds like you didn't want to jump into this and are unhappy with your decision (or lack thereof). I recommend seeking some professional guidance for yourself because, even in divorce, you're here afraid to ruffle feathers. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, having opinions, emotions, and expressing them.

I say this all because I worry even if you go through with it, that you may still be unhappy, especially if you allow others to control the relationship. It should be a partnership, and you may just need help communicating your feelings to establish that.

Either way, stay well my dude. Oh, and for the love of God, don't write a note lol.

Title	How did you do it?
Author	Robbnva
Upvotes	6
Comments	13
Date	February 25, 2019 4:08 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/augqhb/how_did_you_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-did-you-do-it.819742 https://theredarchive.com/post/819742

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