How do you all handle it ?

PetGiraffe · 2018-12-10T14:27:43+00:00

I DID have kids and I’m fine now. Besides kids, everyone is replaceable, even a wife. Especially ones that don’t appreciate the commitment made by marriage.

I don’t “handle it”. I live. I live my life the way I want to. I used to think I can never live it the way I want because the way I want is with her. Nah, I wouldn’t have bought a new jeep this weekend if I had naggy mcCrybaby with me. You’ll be fine, I promise, just go out and slay life. One day when you’re riding a career high or whatever, you’ll realize that happiness comes from within, and she is not a NECESSARY part of the equation.

dex_lancel · 2018-12-10T09:11:47+00:00

Sounds cliche but it just takes time dude, it really does. And it depends on what you choose to do with that time will determine how long you’ll be at this low point. Exercise and try and stay off the booze and drugs as much as possible. Focus on work and saving money.

The loneliness is what sucks the most imo so try and spend as much free time with friends and family and maybe adopt a dog if you don’t already have one.

amvalcarcel · 2018-12-10T13:48:35+00:00

Going through s separation myself right now. Sounds like you're honest with yourself enough, so make a list of what you feel you did right, what you feel you did wrong, and those things that may be in the gray area. Forgive yourself and fix the bad. Focus on the good and focus on getting solidly on your own two feet again before committing to anyone else. For the gray areas, work on it (therapy, books, moral support from friends). Just don't fall into the trap of self pity. Workout, get a new haircut, eat healthy and work on your friendships. Good luck, bro.

dday_throwaway3 · 2018-12-10T14:20:45+00:00

Marriage takes two committed people to make it work. You need to accept that the failure is on the both of you, not just you. If she's telling you it's all your fault, that's typical gaslighting. Turn up your Don't Give a Fuck meter another notch.

Live in the present moment. You can't do shit about what you did or did not do yesterday. You can only affect the *now*.

JohnnyMnemo · 2018-12-10T20:18:02+00:00

Resolve to learn from it. I made lots of mistakes, but honestly the process of the divorce has taught me so much that in many respects it's helpful.

ervinonreddit · 2018-12-11T06:22:27+00:00

I probably could have been a better man, she definitely could have been a better wife.

I don't know how to handle it either. I am constantly lost in thought. Tried the meaningless sex, alcohol, staring off at windmills. Everything I could think of. I guess it just takes time. Or maybe more meaningless sex and alcohol. I'll try those again.

AmazinFantsy15 · 2018-12-11T19:00:46+00:00

It's extremely difficult at first, man. Especially if you didn't want it or initiated it.

When i went through it, i felt the same way. I found this organization, they're called Marriage Helper. They're somewhat religious, but that's not whatthey are all about. Im not religious at all and found their message positive and transcended religion.

I'd suggest looking up their podcast, it's available on itunes and spreaker: Marriage Radio with Joe Beam.

Good luck and stay strong. You'll get through this.

GryffonsCall · 2018-12-11T17:09:53+00:00

Got married at 20. 13 years in and soon to be over. I don't know anything other than how to let it out sometimes. If you don't do that, it will consume you, or come out in ways that you really wish it hadn't. 13 years of trying to fix things, 13 years of wins and losses. In the end for naught. It hurts, but you have people around you that will understand and support you through it. Don't be afraid of asking for help. It is NOT a sign of weakness to admit you cannot do it alone. No one can carry the weight of the world by themselves.

(I say this as much to myself as I do to you.)

GoSmudgeYourself · 2018-12-11T18:49:24+00:00

I'm in your shoes, trying to handle the mindfuck of it all.... One thing I'm trying to do is mark a victory and recognize my strength with every moment of pain that I overcome. You know, sometimes you're fine and actually feel alright and the next second -- BAM! Sheer pain. Sitting with it, getting through that moment, is a victory, in my opinion. I'm also working to distract myself, while realizing that putting my eggs in another basket (like money, etc.) may not be wise. Look within, strive to understand what you are going through and why (like the list idea and other great ideas above), let go of anger, regret (easier said than done). And give yourself some encouragement -- every day you survive you are a day stronger, though you may not always feel like it. One day I hope to look back like the other guys here and think to myself, life is good, maybe even better...?

MNCPA · 2018-12-13T23:13:20+00:00

It's your life. Everyone makes mistakes. It takes two to get married but only one to get divorced.

I started running and it helped. At first, I joked that I was running from my problems. Now, it really takes away much of the depression of my divorce.

All the best!

Title	How do you all handle it ?
Author	Bronnt_
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	December 10, 2018 8:21 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/a4tuvk/how_do_you_all_handle_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-all-handle-it.819893 https://theredarchive.com/post/819893

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