How to get over it?

Own-Age-6725 · 2025-01-07T02:27:09+00:00

I am speaking from a cheater perspective. There will come a time when she has a rude awakening of seeing herself from the outside in. When that happens it will change her. This will happen, either she will grow from it and become a wonderful woman or it will consume her seeing all she lost.

I cheated in my marriage and is something I had to forgive myself for. I did a complete turn around in my life trying to erase my wrongs. The saying a cheater is always a cheater is totally incorrect. I learned to love and be loyal and never go back to my old ways. I learned from what I lost and destroyed (ex-husband) the damage I did to him makes me be more understanding to what he did to me. It hurts but it was the monster I created. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing that what you do will come bite you eventually.

Work on you and don’t become bitter it’s easier said than done but I hope this gives you a little insight on what will eventually happen.

Camping_Dad_RC · 2025-01-06T15:25:00+00:00

I’m sorry for what you experienced. It’s an incredible pain, and it’s very disruptive.

You’ve already gotten good advice from most of the commenters. Only thing I’d add is I’d suggest blocking her. There’s no reason to allow her access to you unless you share children. Her occasional “sweet talking” is just prolonging your healing.

Outrageous-Count-365 · 2025-01-06T14:27:46+00:00

All the common themes you'll find on the internet are somewhat accurate but be wary as some will prey on your anger for clicks and take it overboard.

For me:

First 2 weeks: Barely ate and slept until I met my current gf, which was a bad idea. Don't do that. Get laid if you have to but leave it at that. I knew immediately I needed to better myself, I went back to school and the gym nearly instantly. It was just a matter of having the physical capacity to do it, which came with time.

2 weeks - 3 months: I wanted revenge. It's all I thought about. She cheated as I was recovering from brain surgery. Towards the 3 month mark I realized it was hurting the people I was around. It's all I talked about.

3 months - 1 year: I put a higher priority on family and male friendships. I began to understand that my desire for revenge can be turned into making a difference. Family law is my new path at the ripe age of 33. I realize sometimes I will represent the "bad guy", but I see it as a challenge of my stoicism and dedication to the field. I will have far better advice to give than "don't get married" at the end of it all. Watched a lot of James Sexton on YouTube.

Beyond 1 year: The emotion is gone, the desire to act is still there. It's not her, it's the disrespect of marriage that still burns me. The law isn't a weapon, and it isn't fair. It's just the game we all play. Learn the game. We're more logical creatures, you should have no problems punishing divorce if you've set up the proper precautions. Advice to the next generation. Prenup, have you chosen a good state to plant roots, where is the money, what does she make/offer. Think about that while she's thinking rings and dresses.

Now my attitude is go right ahead and cheat, because I've built myself up for better.

Also, get loud as you are! This is a problem, divorce in this volume is a problem. I wouldn't mind finding a physical group myself to talk about it, it's all online so far for me.

Posteus · 2025-01-06T06:12:03+00:00

How long were you married? Do you have any kids together?

Cjesq · 2025-01-06T05:06:35+00:00

It sounds like you’re feeling despair amongst other things. Betrayal like that isn’t easy to get over. It’s never easy to hear but the in my experience, the best way forward is to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t be a victim. Bad shit happened to you for sure. But you can control whether you allow it to weigh you down. Once you stop feeling bad for yourself the rest should follow. Sometimes forgiveness helps make the hatred easier to walk around with. She doesn’t deserve it. You do. Good luck.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2025-01-05T15:52:14+00:00

Read the book- The Obstacle is the Way.

Focus on yourself. Do all the things you wanted to do. Be it working out, hobbies, etc.

Eliminate all the items that she has in your home.

IMO, society has influenced men to think - to have a fullfilling life they need a wife. You don't. Figure out what motivates you. What inspires you. Then do it.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2025-01-05T13:49:58+00:00

The woman you divorced is not the same as the woman you married.

She changed. She isn’t the same.

Don’t let her fool you. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Find help. You owe it to yourself to be able to move beyond this to a better place.

SupremeZV7 · 2025-01-05T07:10:42+00:00

Just better yourself bro, she will have to live with her mistake and ruining what you guys had. It's her loss not yours she showed you who she truly is.

Title	How to get over it?
Author	Disastrous-Panda-757
Upvotes	10
Comments	8
Date	January 5, 2025 6:28 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1htzkyv/how_to_get_over_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-get-over-it.1540404 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540404

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