I don’t know what’s right, I am in the same place again. I don’t know if I should give her one more chance to rebuild, since I told her that I want to separate, I am seeing actions - she started individual therapy, she booked a couples therapy for us. She hasn’t raged or went into that mode so far.
The ‘last straw’ for me happened in June last year, and after that I’ve been emotionally numb, figuring out my life, hoping that if she really wants me she would apologize for her behavior, comfort me that the future will be different, by telling me what she intends to do to make things right, how she can work on herself, and how can I support.
But it’s been 8 months and that didn’t occur. I was numb, stayed silent with repressed anger in the same home.
Her dad passed away during this time, and I had very complex emotions to deal with and couldn’t show up. She tells me that she was going through a lot related to her father’s death that she couldn’t take actions because of it. And I should cut her slack.
I still, truly love her, and I don’t want to abandon her, she has no one. I know she adores me and loves me very very much. It’s her rages that have taken a toll on my mental health.
I found some courage to tell her yesterday that I can move out of the home, and begin the process. It was painful to say it, and I cried. I’m overwhelmed.
She cried as well, and I can see she cares about me, and she keeps saying she tried in her own ways to make things right, and now she’s doing all that..
I’m a mess - I don’t know if to give one more chance or to end it..I’m 35, she’s 36, we don’t have kids, I want kids, there’s life....I just can’t deal with this stress, it’s so painful!
Just wanted to vent here.... :(