Even before I type this all out, I know that nothing I'll say is new here or unique. Hence me starting this with the self awareness of joining the other divorced statistics.

I was hit recently with divorce papers. If I had to answer honestly, I'm only about 50% surprised. Sure we had our problems, but I never saw a future without her. I never thought whatever problems we had couldn't be dealt with or lived with for the greater good of our family. She claims that I have been emotionally abusive for a long time, and I'll admit there's some truth to that. Not that the positive should in anyway out weigh the negative, but I am not a drunk, I don't do drugs, hell I don't have friends, I don't go out anywhere ever, I never spend money on myself, I cook, I clean, I take care of the kids. I let her go out with friends whenever she wanted. She had a yoga membership we couldn't really afford that I never told her not to use as it made her feel good. On demand I was available to stay home with the kids while she did whatever she wants. Shit, if she came to me and said she found a guy on Tinder that she just really needed to fuck, I'd struggle with it, but I'd let her do it.

Problems resulting in our upcoming divorce began when she got pregnant with our second child. Neither the first or second were planned. We were young (21 & 23) for the first. We got married, and made it work. It was us vs. the world. Eventually managed to buy our own house and everything was looking great. It was always known I never wanted to have anymore kids, that our first was going to be an only child. She always struggled with that, but eventually gave up pushing for more and accepted that another one wasn't going to happen.

One drunk weekend away at a family wedding, she comes home pregnant with #2. (Let me fast forward for a minute- I love both my children tremendously and would never give them up.) But when she went to the doctor early on with #2, she heard a heartbeat and couldn't not go through with it. Sidenote: a year earlier she had gotten pregnant and we found out early enough that there was no heartbeat yet, so she agreed to an abortion. She SAID she knew it was the right thing to do, who knows if that's actually how she felt.

With #2 she couldn't go through with an abortion. We tried to make it work, but I felt like I lost my partner and was suddenly pushed aside for what she wanted all along, I told her I hated her for abandoning me and we spend the next 2 years going through the motions. To her credit, she tried everything to make it work, but in many ways I was broken emotionally. She eventually got to the point where she was going to leave me, but I had felt that we had been growing back together despite everything, so communication opened back up and we decided to recommit to each other and work together again.

The next year had ups and downs including a period where she felt the need to open up the marriage and possibly find someone (or multiple people) to go out with or fuck or whatever. I warned her that we were on a pretty rocky footing to try to do that and should wait, she said she wasn't getting younger and never felt better about her body. Reluctantly, I jumped in with both feet, talked to some girls on Tinder, had opportunities, but never acted on anything. She said she liked that I was giving her more attention because of it. Eventually, I burned out. I gave it up, but pushed her to keep going if that was what she wanted. She did stop, but I knew her mind was always elsewhere.

Since then, I've struggled with falling back in love with her. There's an easy distinction to make though because I loved her and still love her very much, I'm just not IN love with her. For her, that has become a deal breaker. She says she doesn't know how to be my wife anymore and picked up some divorce papers.

Typical challenges include young kids and very tight finances. We're still in the house (that will have to be sold) but I sleep out a few nights a week, she does sometimes too. I go to my sisters. She claims she is at her mother's, but who knows. I have no idea what my future looks like other than probably ending up in a shitty studio apartment barely being able to afford to eat. I also am probably going to be lonely for a very long time if not the rest of my life. I have no friends. Like actually zero friends to call or text or talk to. My family was all I needed and now I don't have them anymore.

I'm not incompetent, I'll be able to make sense of finances and budget, I'll be able to manage work and my time. I just don't know how to do it without her and my family. I don't know how to make new friends as I approach my mid thirties. I don't know what the timeframe of this divorce and moving will be. Likely after the holidays. We're doing everything we can to stay friends and not get petty or let animosity grow between us. We're going to attempt couples counseling, but she says it's only to help us navigate our new roles as co-parents. She says we are going to have joint custody, but I have no idea how that's going to work.

One day at a time right now.

TL;DR - She's leaving me, says I'm emotionally abusive. Finances are tight. I'm going to miss my kids. I have no friends and no clue how to make new friends or meet new people.