It’s the same everywhere

SpacemanLost · 2020-01-03T06:15:20+00:00

Many of us have walked that path before. It's painful as f**k, but you will eventually be doing better. Hopefully you don't have any kids to suffer for her poor choices.

Just don't let people put the blame back on you. You didn't hold a gun to her head, and she didn't have the stones to end it with you first before seeking out some strange.

In my line of work (tech), I've seen it play out waaay too often among co-workers (I'm pretty sure that's due to the demographics of working in tech) Still, I've encountered plenty of people who will insist that women don't cheat unless you give them a reason. Ignore those people - they're not worth responding to.

The_Lost_One_2020 · 2020-01-03T06:10:16+00:00

I just found out about my wife’s affair on the first. I’m lost, vacillating between my heart and my head. I’ve been told not to make decisions yet, but I keep coming back to what is probably inevitable. Divorce.

You aren’t lame. This shit is hard. You’ve been lied to and used. It all hurts because you were honest and loved someone who took you for granted.

cireorelum1 · 2020-01-03T07:51:56+00:00

Call the bosses wife and report his cheating to her anonymously. Do this after she moves out . Keep it cool and move forward

therealkurubrunch · 2020-01-03T07:15:29+00:00

3 years of deceit coupled with all the confused, difficult times that go with this kind of deception would make any apology and desire to reconcile circumspect. An affair by my ex resulted in counseling (which always seemed half hearted on her part) butt was all for naught. I believe this is an irreparable character flaw and disrespect for one's partner in retrospect therefore unlikely to make real change.

MartyMcFly7 · 2020-01-03T16:36:16+00:00

Sorry, man. You're right in saying it can't be undone. If you stay, she will either do it again or it will always be in the back of your mind. For me, it would be an absolute deal-breaker. Hell, even my gf understands that if she sleeps with another guy, it's 100% over between us. But to each his own.

SkierDude19 · 2020-01-03T14:00:06+00:00

There is a saying : Dont root around in the trash which translates to do not take her back. She disrespected you and your love and wants to keep you as a backup plan and have her cake and eat it too. This all too common with most women these days in these types of situations. And beleive it it not if you do take her back she will gain even more disrespect for you for caving in. I wouldn't have believed any of this myself if I hadn't experienced it and then later validated it with some excellent resources out there for us men to help us navigate these situations. You must take a stand and start moving forward with you in mind and as another poster stated as you are behind the eight ball. Also expect her to leverage your emotional state any which way she can. Expect it may get ugly too given she has cheated on you. Cupcake wont be the same person you married when divorce starts.

WarringCoast · 2020-01-03T15:05:22+00:00

It happens. A lot. Happened to me with an exec where my ex worked and we’re about to finalize the divorce. They’re still together. I had my shortcomings but like you I have my shit together. It’s not your fault. They would’ve found an excuse one way or another if they wanted to. As far as reconciling I’ve always said If she’d have told me what happened or have been the slightest bit remorseful when I caught her maybe things would’ve been different with reconciling but she wasn’t. To her credit she stuck with it. I wish her all the best. All you can do is move on. Look yourself in the mirror and ask your self what kind of man do you want to be from here on out and go be it. Good luck.

warrior_up · 2020-01-03T15:06:21+00:00

No kids! F*^# yea!! And Eff her, she’s a disloyal cheating hoe. Her boss can have her because you’re now on to bigger and better things

It’ll sting for a while man, but eventually you’ll see that she’s done you a favor in life. Just takes time for the fog to clear and realize that it had nothing to do with you - she would have done this to anyone and will again and again

HoldinOn15 · 2020-01-04T00:11:42+00:00

Thanks to all the good guys out there weighing in. Man who knew a website forum could bring so much relief (albeit temporary). Appreciate it

Jeb777 · 2020-01-16T05:00:54+00:00

Don’t reconcile. Trust is all you have in a relationship. Once it’s broken, in this way, it’s permanently damaged. As the great Meatloaf said, “I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

Don’t hate her, just amicably split up and establish proper boundaries post divorce. If she really does regret it, then be friends with her. Maybe not close friends, but just someone you care about. I care about plenty of people, but the intimacy of marriage is only worth its challenges when you can trust that person.

In my personal opinion marriage, the way we do it in America, is structure to protect kids. It’s not a structured to protect the hearts of parents. You are on your own for that. It’s all about you and your partner, everyday, protecting that bond. Not easy, so don’t beat yourself up.

2020-01-22T10:33:23+00:00

Simply put: can’t trust these hoes

ikubyo · 2020-01-04T02:55:08+00:00

STOP! You made a commitment to your wife and your family. I know your hurt I’m sorry. Leaving her may be the right thing but please take your time. Find a place to think. Find some peace and stillness. You deserve the time. Don’t plot and strategize, just be a good person with good values and things will work out for you. You cannot control what your wife does but you can control how you react.

Title	It’s the same everywhere
Author	HoldinOn15
Upvotes	57
Comments	35
Date	January 3, 2020 6:03 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ejb9i9/its_the_same_everywhere/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-the-same-everywhere.818832 https://theredarchive.com/post/818832

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