49M. New Jersey. Married 19 years. 3 kids under 16. Life was tough but good for a long time and just slowly degraded over time. I worked my ass off so she could be a sahm but it was never enough. Always negative. Always something I wasn’t doing that I needed to start doing better. I helped a ton at home. Cooking cleaning, etc. I would still come home every day to a trashed house and kids who weren’t told to do their homework or anything. I remained even keeled through all of it. About 9 months ago I started therapy. Thought I was burned out but it was depression. I was always bad about setting boundaries (classic people pleaser). So I started trying to build those boundaries up and communicate my needs, wants, and expectations. That was really the beginning of a slow march to the end. No accountability on her part. If I had an issue it was twisted into something that was always my fault. or she would accuse me of other things. We started couples counseling and it went well for a few months until the therapist started asking her to be accountable. When she told the therapist she was done, that’s when I knew it was going to be over. All the accusations came back. The physical relations came to a stop slowly and we became roommates with palpable frost in the air. I 100% did stupid shit like spend too much money on stuff or other things, but I was also the one who had to solve all our problems and work to make our lives better. I provided everything for her and the kids and wanted them to be happy. I take responsibility for that and I’m trying to be better.

The writing was on the wall for months that it was coming and it finally blew up in a single day last week. She drained our account with the excuse of needing it for the kids in case I spent too much. I knew this day was coming but didn’t want to push it. I wanted to be there for my kids even though long term it was unsustainable to me. Even with all the pre-processing it’s still a kick in the gut. Feel like I can’t breathe. Now I’m staying in the office on the other side of the house and have barely seen the kids for a week. She keeps asking me to leave but I know that’s something I can’t do right now. Financially or emotionally. I know I’ll be ok, but fuck if it’s not insanely hard right now to just keep existing