Been divorced now for a little over a year.

Overall it's been good for me, but it's left me with a lot to prove. My original plan was just to split custody, move to a different part of the city and get a better paying version of my last white collar money job to support myself. When I got a chance at full custody I snatched it, even though it meant moving back in with family. I also opted to go back to school for a career change: coding.

Overall I've been pretty successful. I have a high GPA, work just under full time, and am raising a great little boy who is making friends and putting down roots in our new town. I'm making good decisions about how to handle things, and mostly sticking with them. Little by little things I lost in the divorce are coming back into my life, though not in the order I expected.

This past semester my step son has started staying with me. I'm happy to have him with me, but the added effort of parenting a second child has put me at my limit. And the fact that he is having problems--he may have to repeat this school year, and is clearly addicted to video games--has put me over it. I'm falling behind in my course work.

It's the final week. I have a final report and final homework assignment due. I made the choice to focus on the final and sacrifice the homework assignment--do it in a day if I can--and even though it's the right choice it's killing me.

I just feel like I have to succeed at everything, every last step of the way, or my ex will have been right about me. Realistically, the worst I will get if I just blow this assignment off is a B+. The whole situation is making me see just how much pressure I've put on succeeding as a coder. It's also made me see how much I've given up on having any positive relationships ever again. Someone asked me what the hardest thing about going back to school has been, and my answer was: convincing my "support network" that it was more important than me cooking a nice meal for them.

Part of the whole coding thing is that if I work hard at it and get my career going, I can do it remotely and not be around people much at all. I've basically given up on ever having relationships again. That's not how I'm going to proceed. I'm going to keep trying to form good friendships, and maybe even romantic relationships. Getting my life back means pushing past my current limits and failing here and there, but it is how I feel.