STBX (28F) has been gone from my (30M) home for 6 months now. Divorce was denied by the courts 2 weeks ago (missing document). Fought with my manager at work that day. Following weekend I get into with my little sister. I stuck up for myself for once and pissed people off. Go figure. It was a pretty monumental shift in thinking for me.

Therapy has tought me a lot. I got mentally and physically fucked up through this whole marriage. I also came into it with way more shit to sort out then I would have ever imagined. I drank it away for a long time I guess. Was only a year sober at the beginning of our time together.

Its a shame that things didn't work out between us, I truly loved my wife more than anything. I don't know if I ever would have dug this deep if it had never happened though. We managed to bring out the worst in eachother. Now I finally see what's been holding me down in my adult life. I don't love myself very much. It's the underlying factor that causes most of my strife.

Trying to find joy in seeing the sun rise. Glimmers she would have called them. My therapist told me to start looking for glimmers too this week. How funny. Life is wild.