I recently posted about my wife and I possibly getting divorced. She dropped the bomb on me, a few days after I returned from a 6 month deployment. After about a week of tension, I dropped all my baggage on her. I told her the who and when of my infidelity. She had already confessed that she had sex with her ex, and that he had her attention right now. I wanted her to be completely honest with me about everything. She would not. So I unloaded on her. Told her we need to be completely honest so we can move forward. I was too honest. She held back, would not tell me anything. So I dug. I found out he had been to visit once a month from Chicago since July. They did all of the things I couldn't do with her.

Does not knowing make it easier? I still love my wife very much. I still see a future together. But she tells me she is not in love. I saw messages between them where she tells him that she's not leaving me for him. She's leaving me for me. And that she would want him to know its him and only him.

I feel like I'm losing an unwinnable battle.

We had several good days since I've been home. But I try to talk about it with her and it sabotaged any good.. I want to stay in the fight, but I feel abandoned. Im not suicidal, but I wish these feelings could go away. I don't want to feel anything.