For whatever reason I’m feeling the urge to write about my experience. I’m 6 months in and not finalized yet.

Everything seemed relatively normal on the day my stbxw (29F) dropped the bomb on me (31M). We cuddled in the bed the night before and she even gave me a gift for my birthday which was a few days earlier. After I finished working for the day (I work from home), she pulled me into the kitchen where she told me that she was moving out, wanted a divorce, and had consulted with a lawyer. She also mentioned that she didn’t want anything from me and would just like for it to be over.

For a few weeks leading up to that, my stbxw was busy helping her friend (30F) move into a new apartment. Her friend doesn’t have a car and is dependent on my stbxw to get around, so at the time I thought nothing of it. As you may have guessed, during that time, she wasn’t just helping her friend move in, she was gearing up to move into that apartment as well.

I was pretty blindsided by the whole thing. I didn’t have any time to prepare and obviously I didn’t want to spend another second in the apartment we shared together. I immediately went and stayed with my sister until I could sign a lease for a new place.

After finding a new place, I made my way back over to the old one to pack my things. Most of her stuff was gone, leaving behind what she probably found too inconvenient to move. Some weird petty shit like leaving the pictures but taking the frames and taking the PlayStation controllers but leaving the console. Also the 10 years of mutually acquired junk that I had to dispose of myself.

It took a few weeks to gather all the furniture I needed and get fully settled into my new apartment. I eventually sat down to review my finances and noticed that she had racked up about 3K on my credit card. Massages, food, rent, drinks at the bar, gas stations and a couple of charges from the local court. She seriously filed the divorce using my credit card so naturally…I removed her from the account.

Shortly after doing so, I received her divorce petition where “I just want this to be over” was completely thrown out the window. Wanting an ungodly amount of alimony, and percentages from all of my (non joint) accounts, despite having a degree, a good job, and a roommate. I immediately lawyered up and am currently going through the legal motions.

We were together for over 10 years but only married for 2.5 with 2 pets and no kids. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, especially towards the end. We had a dead bedroom which was admittedly my fault. I think that I was so burned out on being a provider that my sex drive deteriorated.

I payed the rent, the bills, the groceries, and for her school. I also took care of the pets, cleaned the house, did the dishes and attended several exhausting work related zoom meetings on daily basis. At the end of the day I just wanted to isolate myself and play video games instead of participate in the real world. I recognized that I needed help but couldn’t find the strength to call up a therapist. I needed a push and I guess sadly this was it.

Now I’m doing all of the typical stuff, seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist, crushing it at the gym, and focusing on work. It still fucking hurts though. The only thing I can do is try to be better than anyone she’ll end up with.