Hey all. (LONG POST WARNING)

So, I’ve been with my partner for 12 years. We have two kids together (5 and 9) and have lived together for 10 years. For the most part, I have done camp work (8 days in, 6 days out) and she works on the 6 days that I’m home so that we have full time childcare for our kids. A very limited amount of time with each other.

This has been the way that we have done it for many, many years, and has contributed (among other things) to many issues with our relationship. We sleep in separate beds, have no more intimacy and can’t get along in front of the kids. We have been constantly fighting for many years now. Not able to communicate about anything from house chores, to finances, to long term goals. Everything is a heated discussion or argument.

I usually vent my frustrations after failed attempts at communication to my best friend, or journal about it. The last few times I vented to my mother, which is and always will be a terrible idea for me. My mom got to drinking on Christmas Eve and sent some nasty messages to my partner. This, obviously, set her off, and escalated our already heated evening where we were arguing about everything.

The night continued with her screaming at me regarding what my mother was texting her, me being an asshole, and everything else that was upsetting her at the time. I was no saint in all this, exchanging verbal blows with my issues regarding her.

I told her I was going to record her getting upset with me because she wasn’t calming down, and honestly, I don’t want to be with her anymore. We pretty much split up during that argument. We both have too many issues with the past, my family, and our behaviours to move forward in a healthy way but have pretty much been staying together for the kids. At least I know I have. I have no desire to be with her anymore.

She snatched my phone out of my hand as I was recording and ran down the hallway. I grabbed her arm from behind as she ran way, and she threw my phone down to the ground. She made to step on it and I pulled her to the right and she fell to the ground on her back. My intent was not to injure or hurt her, but to prevent her from damaging my phone.

She called the cops and I waited calmly there (I had been drinking, did not want a DUI, and did not want to create a more difficult issue for the cops that would be coming). I later requested the cops do a breathalyzer on me (I had 3 glasses on wine that evening) and I blew a 0, completely sober.

Based off what she had told the cops, they had to detain me in the cop car, and I’ve been charged with assault, until my court date on January 29th and am to have no contact with her until after some sort of resolution at that time. Unable to go back to my house or get belongings, see my kids, or anything.

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Now, I’m no fool. I know this isn’t ideal for me for many reasons. But in a round about way, I’m happy. I’ve never had the courage or the drive to push to better my situation. I haven’t loved my partner for many years, I loath being around her but I have been too afraid to make the hard decisions to make my life better. I have no doubt that I have a long road ahead of me in resolving everything that has happened, but I’m out now. I have a place to stay with my sister for the time being while we wait for the date.

I’d like to hear opinions from the rest of you regarding this situation and my steps moving forward.

I will be contacting a lawyer as soon as I can and discussing what my next steps are as soon as I can.