Hi all, need some help with a difficult depression/situation I am going through.
I bit of context, I (33M) and her (38F) have been in a relationship 17 years and 9 of marriage, with one son (2M). We both were ballet dancer but now only she is as I am web developer working from home most of the time.
I am not yet divorced but relationship has gone sour over the last years. Thing is we as a couple had tried to make it work again with different success rates, but over time for the most stupid stuff we fight again and start the down spiral.
Last week we had a minor anniversary and I did not make a reservation for dinner til last minute (she took it kinda bad, hard to tell) but then our son got sick and started vomiting a long so I cancel all plans.
So here is the dilemma, a few days later a saw her phone and a chat with her best friend and one of the DMs was like:
'I know I should not expect anything from him anymore, I have to resign as a woman and girlfriend to him'
This friend is pretty toxic and has encourage her to fight, demand more, try to convince her that I am not good enough and even encourage her to think of other men that she dance with.
The point is I got really hurt for what she said/think since we were in one of the good moments and I was really really trying hard to be a better partner.
So now I dont know how to approach, I know I should not have read the message but that gave me a bit more understanding of what is going in her side.
I was thinking to purpose 2... 3 options:
- Go to therapy and see how it goes, not sure how she will take it since her best friend thinks it is shameful to do such things
- Get divorce and fight for custody, with I want to avoid since the country were we live is a lot lot more in favor of the mom regardless of the situation
- Continue together just as parents without any formal relationship
Thanks for getting this far, needed to say it loud and get more opinions from people who knows about this things